into eternity

2009-12-04T15:18:00.001+08:00

i like the evening photos that i've taken at my house HDB... on 5th floor where i stay.. cos i'm just trying to capture the view right before my eyes.

but there's still some lag time there cos when i first saw the sky colours (its AWESOMEly colourful) and by the time i went to take my camera and went outside to take those photos, it was kinda a lil' late..the colours had changed already.

so well the following photos are the less pretty version of the evening sky, as compared to abt 5mins before i took these photos haha.

haha doesnt that tree at the bottom look like a christmas tree of some sorts?

this shot is taken after zoom.. its amazing how sharp it still is.! well well it's the power of my canon camera! haha

well well in summary, as mentioned, the colours of the sky were really much much prettier abt 5 mins before these photos were taken! so sigh its quite a pity i didnt reach home earlier to see and capture them :p

2009-11-29T05:03:00.000+08:00

hmmm i shall attempt to revive my blog so that i can hopefully use this as an alternative 돈벌에의 길!

하지만 제가 열심히 공부하기로 했어요...
난 지금 말레이 말을 배우고 싶지 않아요.
돈 때문에 정신이 산만해져 난 공부가 되지 않았어요.
그러니까 난 좀 괝않지 않아요. 너무 걱정했어요. 그리고 조금 슬퍼요. 어떻게요?

제가 지금 잠을 자야 해. 그럼... 갈게요.

2009-03-30T22:19:00.005+08:00

here am i.. to blog.. after abt 70+days? yeah thats after eevoon just reminded me abt the existence of this blog.
my arms are now aching from carrying baby for a long time just now... he's just getting heavier.....

anyways... i shall continue with the counting blessing post which i left off with...

hmmm one mega burden's just got off my chest today. not like its a very heavy percentage (only 20% of 30%..so you can go and count for urself how many % is that of the overall actually) in weightage compared to all my other modules' stuffs that i chiong like siao for... but this one is significantly heavy a load cos it requires alot of effort and practising and hmmm coordination with another person whom you may or may not be very comfortable working with, and even if you dont feel that very comfortable working with cos you two just happened to always have a clash of opinions, yeah even then, you just still have to work with the person. But now that its over, im seriously not as interested to complain than i am to rejoice that its over!

to me, today felt like my focus was ALL fixed on that battle - the REAL presentation itself... no longer just practising like we did yday or over the phone on sat... and i was REALLY getting SCARED... tho very excited. such mixed feelings. exciting cos its my fav module - korean :) and excited cos we've practised quite a fair bit for it already... such that i felt abit more confident abt wad i have to say... THANK GOD... cos yeah i was still seriously wondering how would it ever be possible for me to memorize all that long script and plus all those actions/movements etc, and to say them all fluently/smoothly ! my main concern was more of not to forget my tai chi. which yeah thats my first blessing to share abt. i didnt! :)
2nd blessing? my fren didn't forget too! and we had an overall rather smooth presentation with only minor stumbling but no major hiccups. and yeah sihui was praying for me too :) thank God :) but i've to mention wads soo surprising abt us not forgetting our tai chi - reason1. you should've seen wad bad shock my fren gave me just <1hour before our class starts... on sunday when i was practising with her at her house fn rm, she was fine and just cant say some lines smoothly, but she didnt forget her lines that much. but <1h before class, she forgot almost every long line that she was supposed to say. i almost died from some anxiety seizure. justkiddin.not so serious actually. but yeah, so its very amazing to me that (she's not a believer) but i know God helped us both through the presentation! cos we see all the other ppl before us and we were getting freaked out and scared, but we still managed to do it without forgetting our lines! praise God.. :) reason2. my memory is naturally totally sucky. thats why i really suck at taking exams. and also thats why i was very worried on Sat, cos my fren and me agreed that we must try to memorise and be more or less done with memorising it by end of Sat...but my thing came. :S and thAt came as a total shock for me. not to mention the unpreparedness in my erm wad i wear... but more than that, i wasn't even expecting it to come at all! it was barely erm ~2weeks since my prev one just ended? yeah that one was delayed (that was a big shock for me too cos mine has neveR delayed before..) --so yeah thats wad the stress from this sem has done to me and my body. ohwells.

3rd blessing - talking abt my body sending me signals of it spoiling... thank God for keeping me healthy so far!! cos the weather has been so terrible these days. aNd my family now has this virus spreading... i really need to pray hard that i dont catch it. my house now got three males two females. the three males i think all kena-ed. think my father got flu or cold and maybe plus fever. my bro just told me just now that he feels sick and he needed panadol (and he looked sick to me :S). and when i came home today, my mom told me that baby had fever this morning. ! but thank God its past tense. shoo fever.....shoo far far away from baby. and from me! and from my mother. and from everyone else in my house. shoo virus.. we've all got our own things to get done still...

4th blessing - i just got back my korean essay today. i got an A. hmmm God must've somehow blinded my teacher's eyes when she was grading it..such that she willingly ignored all those silly little spelling and grammar errors that she spotted and pointed out on my essay. hmmm if in the case of HMK1, i'd think my grade would be very low having made so many many mistakes.! AND.. not forgetting that mine is really plain-looking and boring-looking compared to all those many others - got ppl do brochures! got ppl do letter to friend but include pictures as attachment. got ppl do writeup even on coloured paper! plus pictures and all...do until very pretty and colourful! im also very impressed when i saw theirs. and only today den i saw my fren's one. also another colourful and pretty brochure. tho alot of errors here and there also.. but so pretty! so yeah im not too surprised that she also got A. actually, after seeing hers and rembring those many others that i saw last monday, im seriously wondering why my teacher would give me an A. (no wonder she said we all did very well that she had difficulty with the grading cos everyone did so well!) so yeah..my only conclusion is God had somehow made her think highly of mine. somehow! so yeah..really thank God :) considering i didnt have much time to work on it somemore. the friday before i still had a presentation which i had to prepare for. so yeah considering that i only had one weekend to complete my essay. thank God for answering my prayer...to help me finish it and to make it a proper and good one...that flows and makes sense. so that it doesn't disappoint my teacher too much since she has such high expectations of us.

5th blessing - thank God for my korean teacher. i feel like she is God-sent. to encourage me to dare to attempt to speak more tho not good at it. she's basically very encouraging to me.. i rembr many instances when she'll tell us very good after we attempt speaking anything at all. to me its very tough..dunno abt the rest but to me its all very hard and i can only work hard to be able to understand when listening and to avoid making mistakes when writing. but speaking wise, its really difficult! like if i were to go to korea now, im quite sure i'd be like last year.. learn already also dont dare to say anything. cos its just so.... >< and well i really believe that most of them have better english than my korean..so i might as well speak to them in english and not make their life difficult in attempting to comprehend my korean :S but yeah she has been reallly encouraging. i think she can tell i really have difficulty trying to say. today in presentation can la.. can speak. cos practised alot le. hmmm and she was telling me after class after everyone else left(somehow today everyone ran off from class very fast today...must be the effect of the presentation) that my pronunciation is good. that encouragement made my day.. She reminded me of what a teacher should be. (tho yeah it seems kinda late for such an inspirational character to enter my life) - to be encouraging..cos it matters. and to be sacrificial. and to always focus on whether or not hte students get to learn..cos then the students will naturally do well. but results should be secondary as compared to whether the students learn and enjoy learning. She was once again saying to our class today that she feels that we're a very motivated class as she can see from our essays and presentations and the efforts put in. and she can see that we're working very hard to learn and that we're enjoying our learning and she's very happy for us. (seriously, i thot i'd never ever hear that coming from a uni tutor?!) AND not just that, she's volunteering to help us prepare for taking TOPIK test if we're interested just so that we can gauge our own standard and like attain a cert to make us feel better.. like having completed up to a certain level. she certainly wont get paid at all to help us with all these. AND that day she even said she's considering to open up a class for us during the break to help us prepare for the TOPIK test, free-of-charge. erm i think everyone said that they wanted. like who won't want free lessons?! haha. but yeah she's now setting a very high standard in my mind of what i should be doing for my students very soon when i enter school (and very soon, officially enter as a teacher, and not as a trainee/student-teacher anymore :S)

6th blessing - thank God for my another mod DE teacher too.. very kind and understanding like even when we dont manage to complete our tutorials by the time we're supposed to. so much so i feel so bad to him for having neglected this module cos i've been focussing on the many things that i needed to rush out for my korean. and i haven't been doing very well in all his assignments and test so far.. so it can be rather worrying since this module my class only has 9 ppl altogether. how to still do well for it if bell-curve and moderation applies for this module too? haha so my frens and me were calculating that time. one A+, one A, two A-, two B+, two B, one B-. how sad..we'd just be slotted into one of the Bs categories since there are some other really duper hardworking ones who are always getting the correct answer.. but ohwells.. i shall try to just focus on studying for the test and ignore the possible truth in this.
and speaking of all that, i should get back to study harder for my coming tests on thurs... DE and korean.

OHYEAH and..
7th blessing - my complx test was postponed one week!! thank God. else i wouldn't have the time to still type such a long post.. that news came as a very pleasant surprise for me last wednesday...cos it also took one major load off my chest for this week. xiexie God.

the END is really near. END = exams, as well as END of exams.

2009-01-13T01:54:00.002+08:00

today's 2 blessings: one, God answered my prayer by helping me decide on changing my module! at last... and i'm really glad that i went for that first lesson today and that i had changed my module... cos after going for stats today, i felt like i've made the right choice to consider changing. was a tough decision.. but i'm glad God opened the way for me to chnage my module.. with this funny and passionate lecturer too.. :)
[and thanks gwen if u see this]
two, today day one and i ate my three meals today and i still functioned as per normal today with minimal feel of pain.. except for now..maybe cos im least distracted and most conscious of the pain? but well its quite a big deal for me to be able to eat three meals on my first day after how many months of skipping meals on every month on my first day??!
ohwells, and i'm really relaly trying very hard to get fat after many many ppl repeatedly telling me that i look like i got skinnier too. i tried. and im still trying. not like im trying to lose weight wad.... cant blame me.
and maybe this is blessing number three... that i remembered to pray today! on some waiting occasions. at least the percentage on everything-other-worrying-thing-besides-prayer has decreased :) so now, i should pray that it'd continue to decrease further hmmmmm....

hmmm and im glad that my monday's break wont be so lonely in future le.. cos i know the free slots of xiang, huiying, huili and steven on mon! forgot to check for thurs tho..

2009-01-10T01:15:00.002+08:00

저도 신을 섬기세요/섬겨요.

just time taken in order to construct this short sentence reminds me of how much i badly neeeeed do some serious immediate revision ><

Thank God that i found the webbies that i lost from my HMK1 portal previously... and i got an even better tradeoff for all that i've lost -- ie. even more of such gooood webbies for learning my hmk proper!! so for now, i feel ntu rocks.=)

2008-12-29T17:30:00.002+08:00

feel like abandoning this blog once and for all... cos im just too lazzzzzzzzzzzzzyyyy.... and tend to always forget abt it. and i've nothing positive to add to it. >< except photos.. guess i should just post them on facebook when the other one fine day comes when i feel like it.

2008-12-29T17:08:00.004+08:00

LOOK! so cute =)

my favourite photo of him eating his porridge =) giving a cute pose before eating his next mouth of porridge...
his big big eyes imploring why are you taking my photo while i'm eating...!

2008-12-29T16:10:00.002+08:00

last sat nite..two nites ago.. thats the worst headache i ever had. throbbing..nw i understand wad that means. so bad i cant even sleep. every second of waiting for the panadol to take effect and for me to quickly fall asleep felt like eternity long in pain.

2008-09-26T20:57:00.002+08:00

i want to post my fav video up but i can't. argh how infuriating.
can't even change the font i use.. shan't blog le. and this happens rather often. thats why i seldom ever blog.

2008-09-07T01:51:00.002+08:00

if i dont note them down now, i'll never do it... so its now or never. here goes my 22 items from .. minops. (in no preferred order..just whatever i can think of, and numbered to show its a total of 22)
Starting from the consumed-already items:

A BANANA [thus the invention of a new simile by me: as random as a banana]
Banana choc cake from secret recipe [which combined with the power of A banana, i've done wad i would sensibly end up doing in the toilet just now]
a cute korean version of maggi noodle in circular and star shapes! -yiyou's fav.
a rose [-trust me, it really was consumed...literally..by JASON. i took a video of him eating up one of the leaves on the rose stalk, after he ate up the last rose petal and concluded that it tasted like grape skin. hmmm...God made all kinds of ppl..]

The remaining ones are still available..meaning im now 18 years old! power..
the bag itself to contain all the others
box with cards/notes and papers..and hmm fallen rose petals
a cute packet of jelly beans!
muji marshmellows with strawberry filling - which some said tastes like strawberry chocolate
a cute korean BeBe biscuits
a meiji yanyan kids (thts wad the wrapper says) biscuit sticks with choc cream
another cute korean biscuits resembling hello panda chocolate
another cute korean grapefruit can drink - with orange background and very cute stars!
a box of cute toys..containing mini donuts and the pricing! acts as deco
a box of colourful human-shaped paper clips
a black thin belt (useful!)
a black tube (useful!)
a terrier design toothbrush holder!
a precious moments card holder for EZ link/just cards
a cute pack of plasters!
a golden retriever hp keychain
a cute softtoy blue donut handmade by yiyouzi
a badge with my name handmade by yiyouzi!

as you can tell, most of hte stuffs are really rather random!yet useful... heh and i like to have such food to add to my stress-reliever section of foods in storage.

right.. its a rather tedious process of listing all out by memory already. not to mention the trouble and pain upon the one who has to collate 22 items. so, i understand, am touched, and will remember the love shown. xiexie. most of all, im glad God used you all and all these... its significant. and im eternally grateful.

thanks also cos now at least i feel more emotional support and courage to face my challenging week ahead.

amx journal due on mon, acy meeting and review due on mon too if cant postpone. DE test on tues, amx next set of readings by wed, both aam tutorials by thurs, aed reflection 1 by thurs!

2008-08-20T19:16:00.002+08:00

just a thot.
damage done. its irreversible. thus a 'sorry' can never serve to undo the damage thats already done. however, a 'sorry' yet has the little power to at least trigger the start of the 'bu jiu' stage, and if necessary, healing can start to take place.
i rembr another incident of slight similar damage (or at least i rembr the same one thing i ended up doing when both of these incidents took place).. taking place at roughly the same location. one with a 'sorry', the other whereby any dumb person would also know that a 'sorry' (or even any acts of seeming remorse/friendliness/interest for patch-up) would never be returned. i know that healing has taken place and has perhaps completely finished its work, for the incident where a 'sorry' was returned. both damage done- irreversible. differnet results. the latter, i dont know how long it'll take for me to personally come to terms with myself, on my own, with myself, that i must choose to throw away that damage done, else try killing that person for it. (for that 2nd option, im just kiddin. if i were that violent, i prob shouldnt still be alive.)

so moral of the story?
hmmm... there's no moral of the story...cos its not even a story! just a passing thot.

and to clarify, its all just my personal opinion...may not be true or the best or wad. take it with a pinch of salt at ur own discretion but do not further add oil to the fire else . . . (if u know me well enough, u'll know else wad.)

poem
Would You take away the hate
Yet not help me love
Just so I may neither hate
Nor so love again

2008-07-24T23:12:00.002+08:00

quoting from mrs sim today.. "but bear in mind that these teachers are the ones who are very focussed and clear about teaching, and that they are willing to sacrifice all else just to focus on teaching alone.." right.. truthfully speaking, i was never that impressed with my VPs till today when we had breakfast with them. not to mention the fact that mrs sim treated us to the breakfast part kinda completely bought me over to the thot that this sch is really like a family.. anyhows, the questions they asked are so..spot-on. which teacher would you choose as your role model... me: mrs tan and mrs hor. yif: mrs thomsett.
but the thing is.. am i going to also choose to abandon all else and focus only on one key objective, or call it my small little dream left, even when many things seem to come in and make me lose focus and all...

seriously, i wish to tell myself that im just being pessimistic abt my future, or that the future is really not that scary or that bad. . . .
when one person tells u something, it may or may not be true. when two person tells u the same thing, it may possibly be true. when three person tells you separately the same thing, it could highly possibly be true. but when more than a handful tells you this same thing separately, and you can also observe for yourself how true that sounds, then it really certainly and convincingly got to be true. :S
[the first person to start this i cant rembr is who, but for the more recent one that got me starting to be more worried, is the first talk with mr ng. thereafter was prob ms tan choon gan, mrs hor(constantly), mr loh (thru the expressions of extreme busyness), yif too, mrs sim and mrs goh today, peiwen too, and well, to round it all up, i can also see and observe and conclude that from how the seating arrangement is like in the staffroom..how the impressive teachers are still at their humble seats even after so so many years of laborious and endless labour.]
sooo in this sense, i cant go on bluffing myself. but truth is, im thinking abt my future right now with some sort of fear and trembling, and wondering how can i make things any better. its certainly gonna be much better to start preparing myself early than to go on deceiving myself for another 1.5 years of freedom till i finally am faced with tHe real world and then realize that im left dumbfounded, helpless, or basically just struggling like how everyone else is, esp at this beginning stage. in fact, i've already come to acknowledge that there's no way i can not be struggling like siao at the beginning stage even as a christian.. . . except that the only question is: how long will i take to adapt and go past that beginning stage?
so basically the problematic and rough beginning part is a certain thing. (i can say i've reached a point where i need no further convincing that my future's rather bleak if i dont start making the decisions now or start planning or start preparing wadever that can possibly be prepared at tis stage) but its all abt a matter of how long.

times when i look down and all i see is sinking sand
i'm thankful that it's You, the solid Rock on which i stand
-----

on another note, i find it quite amazing how just five weeks, and some vague memories of my past, could already cause me to want to pledge my full allegiance to the school.
this is something which you, reading this, (i guess) will never ever understand or identify with.

2008-07-21T00:00:00.002+08:00

With loving hearts and joyous song, we sing to MGS
And tell the fame of that fair name, for we can do no less
We hope that we may honor bring, and heaven ever bless our school
The fairest in the land, our own dear MGS

Down through the years of memories, will keep a loving place
For friendships made and pleasures shared, and lessons learned apace
For those who worked and gave their best, that we might learn to face the trials
Of life with faith and hope, and nobly run the race

And now we're proud to raise the shout! and sing of MGS
Lift high her banner one and all, her name we now profess
In work and play for all honors won, today our hearts confess the debt
We owe the love we hold for our dear MGS

hmmm this is here for a few reasons. One, cos we'll be singing these for hte next five days. Two, cos its the week of the school's birthday! Three, im feeling this a lil' extreme sense of 'patrioatism' to my sch. maybe cos its my last week here. maybe cos it may really really be my last week here till God knows how many no. of years later. or maybe even cos im excited for founders' day! hmmm. . . or cos this emotional attachment applies not just to the sch but to the staffroom as well. in some ways.
Basically, its been great :) a great great experience. and yes, my NSC turned out to be a really really nice and gracious lady.. instead of some aeno and picky auntie i was imagining. yea..
And most of all, i really hope that this week will pass duper duper slowly. in fact, i kinda wish that this week will never end. despite all the times of feeling weird or out of place at certain times/places and wishing to be a tad bit more useful and all.. and despite the isolated and rather pathetic-looking seating given to us.. and despite how three of us has been reduced to a strength of two tmr onwards.. and despite how my CTs actually feel that our time is wasted here given the kind of system nie puts in place.. and despite how i havent exactly achieved any of the stuffs that i had meant/intended to set out to do right from the start.. and despite the fact that there's still alot of teachers whom i havent got much chance to interact with and still actually don't dare to cos of several reasons.. and despite how busy everyone eLse is going to be and look, in the coming week, cos well, they really aRe busy, according to mr ng, and cos they're just too busy to think of how to mobilize us cos they prob never ever thot of/abt that, or just dont dare to touch us cos we're not under them, or.. ohwells..
So yeah..in spite of all that.

For now, i just pray that God will heal me of my cough completely by tmr when i wake up, just the way He has graciously healed me of my sorethroat by today. :) in Jesus' name i pray, amen.
goodnite.

2008-07-15T22:48:00.002+08:00

hmmm.. feeling abit drowsy.. dunno if its cos i havent been sleeping well or its truly just the symptoms of going-to-fall-sick-le... wells.. so this morning i decided to take one vitamin C before going out. hmmm i better start my vitamin C daily dosage again. really cant afford to be sick on coming thurs.! gotta go sch. gonna relief mr lee. got stuffs on in sch but gonna skip that and go for my impt course that i signed up for. really looking forward to it. and den going for the evening rally as a cg. ritee.. thats like 7am to 11pm outside. and friday too. and sat. and sat i've bday celebration to go for. and sunday got sch concert to attend. and moree.. den after this week..would be a sad farewell week. farewell to mr ng as well who's leaving on next sunday.. for his 3-5years of Ph.D study.. Oh and this week is like farewell to charmaine goh. hmm her last week here. and den i'll leave. den lastly yifang. hmmm thats saad.. very sad.. farewells are never happy events. but den again, if we dont leave eventually, our CTs, or at least mine for sure, will certainly become very veyr sick and tired of seeing me/us..or become more perplexed at why we're seemingly not achieving much and wasting our time here. and maybe wasting their time as well..

now abt the korea & japan's "dispute" over that piece of islet. guess i better not go too deep into it as i had intended to previously hurhur. cos i need to go sleep. and i'd get too worked up abt this. i shall try to take a neutral stand in this. given that i read my news from channelnewsasia. my views will tend to be biased according to the one who wrote this article i guess, if there be any biasness in the first place. this 'dispute' reminds me of the pedra branca incident thats like kinda resolved just recently between singapore and malaysia. buuuut, its veyr different i guess. its like unclaimed/unowned rightfully in the first place. but the korea & japan one is japan trying to create some hooha to steal it away from korea, which is wad's making korea so angry with japan.. hmmm sooo.. basically the move from the japanese govt is making the koreans very very very angry. and hmmm sadly, korea is not very together as a whole. maybe thats also why they're like a 'target'? but anyhows, im now pro-korea and anti-japan for this period. riteee.. but i currently have two good frens from nus doing their summer program in korea and japan right at this very moment.
hmmm nothing's wrong with the ppl.. its the sin that they chose to act upon. perhaps greed. perhaps covetousness. perhaps just a moment of folly even. or perhaps just a mistake on the part of one dumb official on the top, to fuRther destroy their relations with korea... sooo the point being? --> everything.. every problem within and between countries,ppls,etc etc, they all boil down to the issue of SIN. and. only God alone can save them. and in fact, Jesus' death on the cross has already paid it all... so ppl can just come and be saved. and not have to be enslaved to all of those sins anymore.! things are indeed so easy and simple. but ppl fail to understand or see it. perhaps we just tend/love to complicate things. And well, thats why there's the need for global/world missions. to outreach not just within, but to other countries as well. to help them see their need for God as well. to bring hope to them. to help them realize that there's so much more to life than disputes, problems, natural disasters.. and even life itself.

If you happen to read my blog.. lets all sign up for GoForth taking place from tmr to this Sat!!
check out http://www.goforth.org.sg
now onwards, only on-site reg is available. no more online reg...!

2008-07-06T01:27:00.002+08:00

today's good. entered God's presence and felt embraced, strength-replenished, and en-couraged again. reminds me.. My Grace is Sufficient. special acronym for MGS :)

and from friday's meetup.. i thot of doing some summary of incidents/memories of sch and in sch lately or of the times of old.haha.. some jokes too.. next time.

2008-07-01T17:55:00.002+08:00

bought ben and jerrys today. my fav flavour. still came to the conclusion that nothing beats my strawberry cheesecake afterall. even the latest brownie cheesecake, i guess its cos they dont have the biscuit-like thing in it. thats why the difference. but i havent tried buying a tub of brownie cheesecake to try yet tho. only bought choc chip dough and strawberry cheesecake before. And, my conclusion is still... I think - Strawberry Cheesecake Rocks Everyday And everMore. :) I - SCREAM

im more satisfied now after eating ben and jerrys. i realise i've a tendency to wan to satisfy my unsatisfied cravings since of long esp when feeling down. now that i've satisfied my craving..not just in eating it, but also the process of paying for it..feels like some form of stress-relief technique. perhaps thats why ppl does retail therapy from time to time esp more so when they step into the working world where they face even greater stress/pressures. well at least i know for sure that i didnt buy it cos im stressed cos there's not much stress. its some other emotions. been rather relaxed in fact. except on the before-monday-11am syndrome, most of the time im working cos i'd very much rather be working than slacking there and bored cos i've nothing better to do while seeing everyone else so busy there in the staff room. and all the work has been really good for me. helped me to be a little more disciplined and i even ran once last week and yday! :) at least i can say that these past 6 days in sch i've been rather accomplishing.. everyday busy preparing for all the tasks i've been given. at last today i can say that yeah i've finished the tasks given last week.. all! so i can go ask for more tmr le.. or continue reading the books piling on our common table. most of which belongs to me hmmm makes me feel intellectual hurhur.. :) wish i could keep it up. wish i wouldnt feel so easily defeated. wish i wouldnt be so hard on myself like the way my fren puts it. and i really wish i know how to cope with this. is it the feeling of lousiness? or is it the feeling of just sad emotions? or is it the feeling of efforts seeming to be wasted? or is it the feeling of disappointment..perhaps with self..or with the seeming outcome to her..? or is it just the feelig of guilt/shame for seemingly disappointing her? perhaps its all of it. thats why this confusion in me. plus perhaps uncertainty, or is it despair, for wad lies ahead. ... yday we spent some time praying for harry. yet when i think back today, i got reminded of 'hardships'... i seriously dont need any prophecy to warn me of hardships ahead..cos i really can already foresee them. so i do kinda wish time just stops here. for all that dreams and ambitions that i once held, can just forget abt them. just rather discouraged that i even once thot abt those dreams and ambitions, but yeah i acknowledge this is just a passing phase to get thru. perhaps if not for this experience, or the wonderful start that im honoured and privileged to have, i prob wouldnt have dared to dream. the good thing is, at least i once dreamed abt it.

저와 친구는 힌국어를 같이 공부하고싶어요.
성생님 있다 -- 제 열망 . . .

2008-06-24T00:37:00.002+08:00

1st day's over, abt 30mins ago. day2's here! c'mon embrace it...

deeply touched by my dear fren who messaged me this last nite 2+ am which i saw just this morning:
xin..have a blessed week at mgs!:-D prayed for wisdom for u in relating to your students n colleagues..
and other stuffs. heh. doubt you'll see this, but if you do, thanks loads again :)

so far, its been good. just gone to boring classes. im just being truthful well well. nothing that much. except that ive prepared loads of qns to interview some of my past teachers and new ones too. i pray i pray..may we all be encouraged.

and before i forget, i meant to note down as well. Never knew that morning worship is soo effectively helpful to start off a new beginning (eg. new sch term/semester, new year of sch/work, new phase of life etc etc). God is good. how did my fren come to know God i dunno. but im really glad.yeah.. praise God!

2008-06-14T03:23:00.002+08:00

More of You, Lord
Come to me, Lord
Here is my heart
i can't live on my own
i can't live without You

i want more, more of You, Lord
More, more of You, Lord
i wanna hold You, love You, not let You go
Renew this fire that's within my soul
i want more, more of You, Lord
i want more, more of You, Lord

yeah i did feel it renewed. thank Youu :)

2008-06-06T03:23:00.002+08:00

is it all about expectations or perspectives?

maybe its abt having expectations that are realistic, knowing ourselves and not bearing too much hope on ourselves cos we are Man afterall, and we're bound to fail.. And den from low/no expectations of ourselves, when we achieves somehting greater than that, we'll be amazed and more thankful.

or maybe its abt perspectives. that even when we set 'high' expectations on ourselves, thinking that those expectations are actually already the minimal that we're expecting of ourselves; and then we fail to meet those certain standards or expectations, its abt adjusting of our perspectives of ourselves/our abilities, or even, of our expectations level (which den links to the previous point abt expectations? hmmm)

Currently watching goong s. trying it out. was expecting it to be really bad. but well it turned out to be not bad afterall. hmmm its abt expectations eh? Den thinking of the lead actor becoming the gongja reminds me of how we too are of a 'royal bloodline'.. as mentioned in this verse:

But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.
-1 Peter 2:9

we too are princes and princesses in God's sight, in God's Kingdom. just htat we follow a different King.. One whose motto in life is "to love, and to serve", instead of waiting to be served :)

the only thing is He dares to trust us enough as to give us something called the free will. a very daring and hmm risky gift?

2008-06-05T02:19:00.005+08:00

the last day of WFL today! a few has been telling me to look forward to this day..it's like the day of being released of all burdens.. Well, true, the classes have come to an end for this round. and there're still stuffs to settle after this, like the more dreadful mundane and a little complicating stuffs such as the ppl's notes uncollected or unbought even! and like the accounts which i think is also much much less complicated than the settling of ppl's uncollected notes. dunno to throw or keep as tho it didnt belong to them. :S ohwells.. *shuns from thinking abt that for now*

but yeah, today is still a joyous day. and wad better way to celebrate with a nice and satisfying zi char dinner with the company of cg ppl (for hte first time!); and a nice time of squeezing to hear steven talk over desserts at yet another new place for me; and not forgetting a time of reliving childhood at the arcade downstairs which i really didnt know existed..hmm to top it up, one sweet and encouraging message reminding me that there were positive feedback from ppl abt wad they've learnt from wfl this round. :) hmmm yeah be grateful. wad more can i ask for!

And and and, i did manage to attend parts of deconstructing hope today to watch some cool videos. preferred that to attending CLC1 from the weird position that my 'reg table' was at. they were great videos that im really glad i dint miss out on.

Most of all, MILLIONS OF THANKS TO ALL WHO'VE HELPED OUT IN ONE WAY OR ANOTHER THROUGHOUT THESE PAST 3 DAYS OF WFL!

in fact, those who've helped out has helped soo soo much that i cant thank them enough. yeah you know who you are.. i cant name finish all but i shall try..

THANKS to jiali for always reaching early/on time and being very helpful in all ways and gently reminding me to decide faster wad needs to get done since time is running out. needed that just for those specific moments. and for forewarning me that you cant make it on the 2nd day.

THANKS to xiao gwen for similarly reminding me to decide faster wad needs to get done since time is running out. and willingly coming to help tho you end work at such 'early' hours the day before and im sure you'd rather be sleeping a lil' more than to come down earlier for lunch and den help move/paste stuffs etc.

THANKS to eevoon for helping to move and count stuffs and mobilise some idling ppl to help too. and also for assuring me for the 1st day taht you'll cab down to help me open nexus door if really no one is around, den go back for ur interview.

THANKS to amelia for helping soo willingly and quietly and coming on time on the first day. thanks esp for trying ur best in dismantling and setting up the drums again at the end of hte class..without telling me you were doing it urself upstairs in africa room. gosh felt so bad for leaving for PS without you last friday!cos i thot u staying for music prac. :S sorrys.. ohwells, u just meant to ask for lunch partner before wfl and got so unfortunately roped in by me to help out from 1st day onwards. thereafter, your role became so irreplaceable to me! heh.. drums-dismantler and set-upper ahhaaa.. and for informing earlier that you wont be able to make it earlier today.

THANKS to daixuan (tho i doubt u'll read tis) for willingly helping with reg on 2nd day tho u dont know anything.. know you'd have helped if u could make it on 1st day as planned.

THANKS to huiying for all the help with the technical support that the instructors gave last minute.

THANKS to qianjin (tho i doubt u'll read tis) for unfortunately/innocently walking past on the 1st and last day of wfl haha..thus roped in to help move chairs out of africa room twice. heh.. wad to do, you're one of the 3 rare guys in minops who signed up for wfl and even came early!

THANKS to yongkang (tho u may not read this too) for mobilising some administrators to help out.. and they are such helpful and sweet-spirit and willing ppl! amazed. haha i should be thanking you first of all since u were with me through the whole of this process up to the stage where these 3days actually take place. haa.. but so much stuffs. im more appreciative of ur help and reminders-cum-nagging at times, PRIOR to the actual wfl days. for those, yeah another time.

THANKS to all the administrators who helped! (tho i really doubt any of them will see this) and for all who even asked again, either me or gwen or yk, whether they need to come down to help out on 2nd day as well. thAT is reaaallyy very heartwarming and encouraging to me. no clear instructions were given on my part (cos its my first time trying out, with soo many volunteers somemore! :p) and thank God some bothered to clarify. which yeah reminds me that i should've planned that in in the briefing for them too.

THANKS to wilfred (thanks too for reaching early on friday!), zyann, mingquan, davis, and david!

all in all, im even more soo grateful cos you guys did it willingly though without any obligations. :)

THANKS too to all the instructors for teaching so hard despite their busy/tight schedules with camp coming and a million thousand other things they are actually involved in and all. and haha thanks too for looking/sounding soo exaggeratedly grateful whenever water is delivered to them, yeah that helps too..

Andd.. special THANKS to jasmine loh for counting down to the end of wfl for me and with me haha. as much as it sounds like nothing much, yeah it means something to me. :)

on a separate note, here's the latest pics of my dupppperrr cute baby! =D

2008-05-27T23:22:00.000+08:00

곰 세 마리가 한 집에 있어,
A family of three bears lives together in one house
아빠곰 엄마곰 애기곰
Papa bear, mama bear and baby bear
아빠곰은 뚱뚱해,
Papa bear is fat
엄마곰은 날씬해
Mama bear is slim (slender)
애기곰은 너무 귀여워,
Baby bear is so cute
으쓱 으쓱 잘 한다.
They all do well

haha thats the three bears song from full house. going backwards. wells. nice and easy to learn song.
with the english translation! :)

2008-05-26T03:56:00.003+08:00

its truly been quite a blessing today..to be able to meet up with mad mad today with elaine, in elaine's church! hmmm.. she asked alot of qns as a new b trying to find out more abt the faith and all. its amazing...considering how she never ever seemed the type who'd be open/receptive to christianity before, esp in the past. but yeah, who are we to be able to tell such stuffs just from one or two responses that they happen to give?

..memories.. much treasured of the past. while we cant make the past become the present, at least the memories of the past can be treasured and recalled..reminisced..

we've actually come rather far. yet, to be truthful, we still have so much so much further MORE to go and further ahead get to.. we're really duper far from being done. is that good or bad? haaa..depends.. depends on ur current level of strength.. and whether you know how to pace such that you get enough air from rembring to come to the surface to breathe still, every now and den. air is free anyway. just like the presence of God. . .

2008-05-25T01:08:00.002+08:00

ahh.. after so long i have yet to start abt my korea trip. hmmm alot to say. shouldn't drag this so long actually. ohwells.

having a problem as such is still better than past problems of ppl not registering i'd say. at least this is like a good problem. tho its still unresolved. we'll get there soon. certainly and surely. conducive envt for the wog to be delivered powerfully. yeah certainly and surely.

2008-05-15T16:28:00.003+08:00

why...

one WFL after another. each doesn't even seem to be getting any better than the previous..despite how much harder we try..with two ppl? hmmm. soo crappy. what else have we not done or should we do/try. ?!? hmmm does it get easier as you go along doing more? to me, NO. and i really wonder why.
sigh this is so discouraging.
just ranting. im fine.

on a separate note, i wore my new shoe to sch today. it bit me. ouch. maybe growing blister tmr :S thats why i hate covered shoes too. i bought a slightly bigger size somemore. well, thank GOd i bought that size.otherwise it'd be much much worse i guess.

hmmm my future is so not going to be a bed of roses. >.<>

on another hand, ate korean food at togi with gwen yday.she ate dol seot bibimbap and i ate naeng myeon. but i cant take it. too cold its really not for me..nor for my stomach. i didnt LS yday as i expected, instead, i LS-ed today. hurhur. i can really predict my stomach quite well...when they start to send funny signals to certain food.

2008-05-14T05:02:00.003+08:00

now i rembr why i haven't been posting for a long long time. cos the previous times when i finally have some inspiration/thots to blog abt, the blogger got problems loading and no matter how i refresh it didnt work. so well, i gave up.

anyways, decided to note down some very impactful words i read from The Grand Weaver (since eventually i'll need to return tis book to aloy, sadly heh)

Once you are willing to pray sincerely for God's will to be done and are willing to live the life apportioned to you will you see the breathtaking view of God that He wants you to have, through the windows He has placed in your life. You cannot always live on the mountaintop, but when you walk through the valley, the memory of the view from the mountain will sustain you and give you the strength to carry you through.

and this part abt Psalms 23 (it's not written by him tho):

The Lord is my Shepherd -- that's relationship!
I shall not be in want -- that's supply!
He makes me lie down in green pastures -- that's rest!
He leads me beside quiet waters -- that's refreshment!
He restores my soul -- that's healing!
He guides me in the paths of righteousness -- that's guidance!
For His name's sake -- that's purpose!
Even though i walk through the valley of the shadow of death -- that's testing!
I will fear no evil -- that's protection!
For you are with me -- that's faithfulness!
Your rod and the staff, they comfort me -- that's discipline!
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies -- that's hope!
You anoint my head with oil -- that's consecration!
My cup overflows -- that's abundance!
Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life -- that's blessing!
And i will dwell in the house of the Lord -- that's security!
Forever -- that's eternity!

and this other part abt Hindsight...

...one often sees a call only in retrospect. This, too, strangely is by God's design.
... To Moses' question, God makes a remarkable reply: "After you have entered the land, you will know that it is I who has called you." (see Exodus 3:12).
... As much as that retrospective look troubles us, however, it makes for a fascinating confirmation that without God, the thing never would have happened.
God reinforces His call as we respond to His nod.

God, You are so faithful. yet You can be called a faithful Saviour and King. hmmmm certainly that term faithful doesn't seem to fit the bill of wads expected of a Saviour or what more, a King?! perhaps the term a faithful King would be more of a suitable example of an oxymoron.
Yet. You are faithful. so faithful.. wow.

Will find another time to talk abt my KOREA trip. meanwhile, for those who can appreciate, follow along: tae han ming kuk! *clap clap clap clap clap*

BTW, now i proudly declare that i know 3 close whose birthdays are on the same day! oldest to youngest: 1. huili. 2. xiaogwen. 3. MY nephew..to be exact, MY baby nephew :))
wow. a joyous day eh? shall top it up with some photos and videos! :))

2008-04-27T03:12:00.002+08:00

blogger is having problems these days i think. been wanting to blog past 2weeks but couldn't. oh wells.

tender love and tough love. songs all talk abt tender love. and seldom the talk abt tough love..though it's a fact.and an important reality that we should and ought to go thru.

my Jesus, i'm found in You. You're my Saviour.
You chose me before the world. and You called my name.
i will go with You through the valleys. i will soar above every mountain.
i will trust Your word deep within my heart, i will live for You

i know my future's in Your hands. all of my hopes and dreams and plans.
You gave me strength to live and faith to succeed
i believe in You because You believe in me.

all because You believe in me. that i can have the strength and courage to go on fighting against myself and circumstances in life. and to face up to some things that turn out a certain way cos You're loving with a tough love.
tender love to move and touch us. and perhaps to convict us in heart. tough love to grow us. in action.

the one thing. the one thing.

2008-04-06T00:50:00.002+08:00

im disturbed. disturbed by myself being way too emo today. =S... but i'll be fine.

God will preserve the faithful ... preserve... --> means we wont die. as in figuratively. we wont perish under those work or stress or emotions or things/thots that we can no longer carry and which are beyond us already.
ah nice.

hallelujah to the Lord of heaven and earth.

to Lord over heaven and earth is not easy uh?

Many are the woes of the wicked, but the LORD's unfailing love surrounds the man who trusts in Him. -Psalm 32:10

amazing like no other, Your grace without an end
as Your word had promised, You died and rose again

and You saw me when You took the crown of thorns
Your blood washed over me
and You loved me through the nails that You bore
Your blood washes over me
and You saw me when You took the crown of thorns
Your blood washed over me
and You loved me through the nails that You bore
Your blood washes over me

to have the blood of the Lord of heaven and earth to wash over us to pay for the debt of our sins... truly thats amazing like no other. wad more to say abt Him carrying on to give us His grace that has no end...?? beyond just being forgiven, we're shown and given grace and that grace is still so freely given even till now..it's ongoing. amazing like no other indeed.

Do not be like the horse or the mule, which have no understanding but must be controlled by bit and bridle or they will not come to you. -Psalm 32:9

yeah indeed those thots etc are too overwhelming and too much for me to bear on my own.... so yeah eli, i'll rembr to come back to you, regularly. and for now, yeah they wont overcome me. i'll overcome them after being reassured by you in you in your presence. 고마워요!

그저께 저는 로란트 식당에서 밥을 먹지 않았어요. 닭고기를 많이 먹었어요.

2008-03-31T18:42:00.002+08:00

give to Him what He deserves. what He rightly deserves.
for never giving up on us. for giving us an unfailing and unconditional love. for giving us His Love - His one and only Son. for supporting and helping us through the toughest of tough times. for always being there for us. for promising us things that He don't need to, and which He's nOt obligated to at all. for always taking care of all our needs. for being our Provider. for being our Healer. for being our Forgiver since that's our greatest need in life. for being our Saviour since we can never save ourselves given the many million thousand sins we've committed and given how unholy and dumb and blind we are. for .. for..
for the many million thousand things that we cant ever finish counting cos it's like a neverending list that we ought to give to Him FOR. whcih we'll never be able to finish counting cos it's still ongoing with every breath we take. For His anger lasts only a moment, but His favour lasts a lifetime; weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning. - Psalm 30:5

~now unto the Lamb who sits on the throne be honour and glory and praise~
Ascribe to the Lord, O mighty ones, ascribe to the LORD glory and strength.
Ascribe to the Lord the glory due His name; worship the LORD in the splendor of His holiness.
- Psalm 29:1-2

who do you/will you call out to when u're like drowning under a flood? or when u're drowning under your problems? den it's either that that person/thing is bigger, in your perspective, than ur flood or problems or that you're just dumb. right?
아, 그래요.
The LORD sits enthroned over the flood; the LORD is enthroned as King forever. - Psalm 29:10

하나님, 이제는 도와주세요!

2008-03-29T03:18:00.002+08:00

Your Grace Still Amazes Me

My faithful Father, enduring Friend
Your tender mercy's like a river with no end
It overwhelms me. covers my sin
Each time i come into Your presence
i stand in wonder once again

Your grace still amazes me
Your love is still a mystery
Each day i fall on my knees
Cos Your grace still amazes me
Your grace still amazes me

O precious Saviour, You made me whole
You are the author and the healer of my soul
What can i give You
Lord, what can i say
i know there's no way to repay You
Only to offer You my praise

Your grace still amazes me
Your love is still a mystery
Each day i fall on my knees
Cos Your grace still amazes me
Your grace still amazes me

It's deeper, it's wider, it's stronger, it's higher
It's deeper, it's wider, it's stronger, it's higher
than anything my eyes can see

하나 순한 마음씨.

사랑인가요?
그대...

우리는 당신을 사랑했습니다!
우리는 당신을 예배했습니다!

우리는 사또를 사랑했습니다!
우리는 사또를 예배했습니다!

당신은 우리 주상입니다!
우리 구조자 주상입니다!

--> some lines from the song Saviour King, 구조자 주상

2008-03-23T16:24:00.002+08:00

as exams draw near.. all the final tests start coming, and they're so sweet to not even bother giving us a reading week. how sweet.. 바빠요~!
하나..
둘...
셋!

일, 이, 삼, 사, 오, 육, 칠, 팔, 구, 십!
넷, 다섯, 여섯, 일곱, 여덟, ... (move on........

2008-03-21T03:13:00.002+08:00

He who refreshes others will himself be refreshed.

indeed..how true.
and how much the Bible really matters and helps us in our daily lives such as when we meet into problems that we're puzzled by or cant solve, we can look to it for answers..as well as answers to our life's problems/issues we face/may face.

hmmm~ thank You for using me. :)

2008-03-16T18:25:00.006+08:00

Parrot [Aeng Moo Sae] -by Howl
앵무새

I started thinking of you again, like it's yesterday
또 어제처럼 다시 그립습니다
My desire to see you just won't disappear
보고 싶은 맘 줄지도 않는지
You just keep appearing in my mind
자꾸만 그대가 떠오릅니다

The more i comfort myself, the more my tears will fall
헤아려볼수록 더 눈물 납니다
Even if i rub away those tears secretly
훔쳐내봐도 흐르는 눈물에
Those memories spreading to other memories
기억이 또 다른 기억으로 번져
Making me cry with a painful heart
아프게 날 울립니다
What i obtained are only extreme regrets
받은 것만 있어서 내겐 후회뿐인데
Will you forget me because i haven't given you anything
(/The me who has never sacrifice, is now having fears that you might forget)
준 게 없는 날 그댄 또 잊을까 겁이나
Love you, i...i love you
사랑합니다 난...... 난 사랑합니다
This is what i learned from you
그대에게 배운
Out of all the words and phrases in the world
많고 많은 말들 중에
This is like my one habitual phrase
이 말 하나 입버릇처럼 나
Muttering to myself, like a fool alone
중얼거립니다......혼자 바보처럼
I'm sorry, i am sorry
미안합니다 참...... 참 미안합니다
I'm sorry for these words that are too late
뒤늦은 이 말까지 미안하지만
I wait for you without any pride
염치없이 그댈 기다립니다
Will you return tomorrow by chance
행여 내일은 돌아올까

(dunno) .......
그대란 새장이 비좁긴 했어도
I liked it, i was happy
좋았습니다 행복했습니다
I didn't know how to confess, i believed in forever
이별을 몰랐던 영원을 믿었던
If only on that day, even if only in my dreams
그 날로 나 꿈에라도

If i could return to that day, i'd collect all my emotions
돌아갈 수 있다면 내 마음을 모아서
I would empty out my heart and give it all to you
내 가슴을 덜어서 다 그댈 줄 텐데

i love you, i love you
사랑합니다 난 사랑합니다
This is what i learned from you
그대에게 배운
Out of all the words and phrases in the world
많고 많은 말들 중에
This is like my one habitual phrase
이 말 하나 입버릇처럼 나
Muttering to myself...like a fool alone
중얼거립니다......혼자 바보처럼
I'm sorry...i am sorry
미안합니다 참 미안합니다
I'm sorry for these words that are too late
뒤늦은 이 말까지 미안하지만
I wait for you without any pride
염치없이 그댈 기다립니다
Will you return tomorrow by chance
행여 내일은 돌아올까

This heart... Even if it's ended, we won't know
이 마음... 끝내 그댄 몰라
Even if you can't come
올 수 없어도
Even if you've changed
그대가 변해 더는
Even if it's not me
난 아니라도
I call out...and i call out again
불러보고 다시 불러봅니다
Like a parrot, i call out your name
앵무새처럼 그대 이름
and your love, like this
그대 사랑만...... 이렇게..

haha.. in case u're wondering if i so kiang...only go korean level one and can translate this song?! NOO.. most of the lyrics i copied from tis video uploaded on veoh..some other parts of the lyrics from the parts of the show uploaded on youtube. i only changed a few lines according to my 'research'.. hmm~ after so much, yes i really need to move on and stop thinking abt tis show ><><>

2008-03-12T01:01:00.002+08:00

싱가폴은 요즈음 날씨가 춥습니다!
오늘은 많이 춥습니다.

나는 수요일에 학교에 가지 않습니다.
내일 Nexus에 갑니다.

this is random.
내일 무엄을 잘 합니까?
쉽니다!
하하 but 저논 cannot.
저는 내일 need to 공부합이다! oh wells... im mad. im just playing ard with the handwriting function which i just discovered for input. heh. ><

2008-03-10T02:05:00.002+08:00

"You are my LORD; apart from you I have no good thing." - Psalm 16:2

keeping integrity.. small but not insignificant. simple sounding but not easily done. esp. amidst a world without acknowledgement/concern to right and wrong, and basing everything on relativity. or maybe it should just be called empathy in its extremity...yet not considered extreme to them who agree with the idea/concept of relativity?? yeah thats how they live. THEY. not you. cos YOU are a child of God.
LORD, who may dwell in your sanctuary? Who may live on your holy hill?
He whose walk is blameless and who does what is righteous, who speaks the truth from his heart
and has no slander on his tongue, who does his neighbor no wrong and casts no slur on his fellowman,
who despises a vile man but honors those who fear the LORD, who keeps his oath even when it hurts,
who lends money without usury and does not accept a bribe against the innocent. He who does these things will never be shaken.
-Psalm 15

hmmm why not say 'He who does these things will live on the Lord's holy hill' ? that'll sound more like he's answering the qn wad.. hmm, the emphasis? 'will never be shaken.' - like a solid rock..like firm foundations that wont be easily shaken down.esp when the wind and storms come.. cos those are eventually bound to come.
on a side note, fleee from temptation~ hmm in that case..do i flee from the world? cos evil is everywhere and temptations are like everywhere.. haha den Lord take me away from tis world?
hmm think Heanswered..'yeah ok...just not yet...'
haha:) just have some humour and laugh along~ hahaha... :)

be not disturbed by the little unimpt things aigh'? compared to the major which we supposed to major on, thats really really insignificant to the max.

저는 요즈음 바쁩니다 ! God bless me...
하나님께서, 안녕히 계세요:)

2008-02-29T03:23:00.003+08:00

DISCLAIMER: i know this is a highly controversial issue..and so i just hope and pray that this wont be read by someone who's very skeptical abt this prosperity gospel already (meaning..im referring to skeptical ppl who are FOR the prosperity gospel) and wont be able to accept anything i'll be saying..even the truths in it.

perhaps can say hte main gist is.. why should the gifts be elevated above the Giver?
i cant help but agree.. that God is most glorified when we are most satisfied in Him despite all the pain we are going through cos of the great loss/setback we suffered. experienced that.

all in all, after so much thots and some clarifying thru discussions here and there. my conclusion..
going to church doesnt guarantee you a place in heaven. neither does doing church stuffs, or to put it in more spiritual terms, serving God in church. at the end of the day, it's not abt church attendance.
and it's for all that Jesus has done on the cross for us.. nOt for all that He has given or can give to us. that we be willing to give our lives for Him. and afterall, how would it be possible that anyone be willing to give his/her live up for a God whom he/she sees as just a provider/supplier of his/her needs.. wouldnt the person be expecting God's deliverance still? or wouldnt the person be just contemplating between my riches or my life. like why should i die for a god who gives me my riches? i might as well give up on my riches to preserve my life? wouldnt they think that way? or maybe im the only weird one. but anyways, the true Gospel spoke of ppl who gave their lives up for God.

so the thing is its great if you've many ppl in the church. but its not that impt to be part of the largest church in anywhere, esp in the world..if you're not going to make it to heaven still. when the fire and all things are stripped away..then that will be the determinant of whether we make it to heaven, i suppose.
12If any man builds on this foundation using gold, silver, costly stones, wood, hay or straw, 13 his work will be shown for what it is, because the Day will bring it to light. It will be revealed with fire, and the fire will test the quality of each man's work. 14 If what he has built survives, he will receive his reward. -2 Corinthians 3:12-14

(true enough, we may not make it to heaven as well since we can never be sure whether we can endure thru the trials that will come our way esp at the end of end times.. but well, at least definitely we have a much higher probability of passing the test than many others do since we have a relationship with God and not merely one with the gifts from God..)

this part. just personal opinion. den in some sense, arent 'spreaders'/preachers of prosperity gospel, or anything of the like, also considered as false teachers? cos they took the Word and 'twisted' it in such a way that ppl told and taught that they're really going to go to heaven when actually they're not going to make it there (for those whose foundation is really based on the prosperity gospel concept) cos they wont survive thru the fire. so in some sense, tho they're not preaching a totally wrong gospel like classified cult groups teaching abt waiting for Jesus' first coming still.. or even the gospel with an added book/s which is yet not really tested and proven and agreed upon by the church leaders of the early days when the Bible is written/published/dunnowad u call it. and perhaps in some sense, they're considered the doings of ppl living in the end times...where there's even MORE uprising of false teachers...ppl bringing children of God away from the real Truth...from the real Gospel of salvation and erm (think it'll get even more controversial if i attempt to elaborate any further here).
and this thing abt being the minority. (something very controversial as well) well perhaps yeah..definitely we'll bound to feel like we're in the minority. but but but..that doesnt mea we be happy abt being the minority and remain status quo and do nothing abt the Great Commission which we were commanded to carry out. its a different thing altogether. the doing and the feeling-like (perhaps something close to the 'being') being the minority but nOt acting like we're the minority [its the most intelligent-sounding thing coming out of me thus far..im surprised]- and that means behaving like what ppl expects of minority groups..-doing insignificant stuffs..or being despised and left out..or wadsoever..yeah along that lines.

all in all, just be thankful that we are believing in God - the one True God. the correct one..cos He's the only Living God. and be thankful that we've come to this faith by means of the proper way..thru acknowledging the Gospel of Salvation for who God is, and not for the possible gifts from God (that is, basically a Gospel thats not after jia yan jia chu). and be thankful that there are still ppl preaching the correct Gospel to guide us back to the Truth amidst the many uprising false teachers - just like how Paul had first warned about them, by the wisdom of God, in Acts 20:26-31...
29 I know that after I leave, savage wolves will come in among you and will not spare the flock. 30 Even from your own number men will arise and distort the truth in order to draw away disciples after them. 31 So be on your guard! Remember that for three years I never stopped warning each of you night and day with tears.
-Acts 20:29-31a
and be thankful that the many praise and worship songs we're listening to aren't written by confused ppl who've been led astray by the savage wolves and thus writing songs that draw ppl away from the real Gospel or from the Giver Himself..

thank You.. i should and i do treasure our this relationship much more now.

2008-02-28T01:47:00.003+08:00

recent days You seem to be reminding me of how much You've been watching and protecting me from harm..from sustaining injuries, some of which could have been up to a very severe extent even. thank You.. i'm really glad i've not sustained any of those potential injuries, nor have i seen blood or suffered severe pain..

first. last friday's lab session. with conc. sulphuric acid in the chamber just behind my seat.. all along i've never felt that much of a threat til this lab session. someone (a classmate) was adding it into their mixture and hmm somehow something happened and she dropped something. think it was the dropper containing the conc. H2SO4. at that point of time, thank God i wasn't at my seat. where was i and why was i somewhere else?i dont rembr. but thank God i wasnt there. but i was very near. in front of me was this guy (another classmate) who acted like a shield for me. immediately he was asked to wash himself wherever affected for at least 15mins under running water. his face was hit. he washed it..thank God i think nothing much happened to his face (i really pray and hope so still) and his hands, which i think he discovrered at a slower stage that it got a bit splashed as well. in the end, he had some burns on his hand. during washing could see 'blisters'/bubbles formed already. that was terrible. the girl..i dunno if she's fine but she went ot wash her affected leg as well. hope she's fine. that guy wasn't supposed to be at that seat cos that place only me cos huikheng never come. i would really have been severely 'injured', or rather, scalded.. if i was at my seat. severely.
in fact, that same day, prior to that, grace took out the conc H2SO4 from the chamber just by the dropper alone. (passed by me) and dropped it into her beaker of mixture. charm screamed at her. in that sense, i was very very much endangered at that point. same for that same guy who was doing the heating at her table while helping grace with hers. all i, and the rest of us, can say is thank God nothing happened like wad happened for the other classmate.

second. today's episode of being attacked by crowS. i hate crows now. to the CORE... i think they ALL deserve to die. at the point of being attacked first time, there was alot of anger stirred up in me. at the point of their second attack on my head again, there was fear mixed with a very strong sense of resentment and anger. den they almost went for me a THIRD time. but i was smarter, i bent down when i heard them coming near and well they missed. and then i ran away immediately towards the HDB flat nearby for shelter. ><> that was news quite long time ago. Now i think ALL CROWS ought to be shot dead! ALL... all around singapore. go shoot them down! kill them ALL!~ >_< its not a funny matter at all . . . it kept coming back to me..this thot/verse abt we're called to rule and reign, along with God, over the birds of the air and the fish of the sea. and i felt so !)(&%$($#... outrageous! we were supposed to rule and reign over them! they're merely creatures..how dare they attack us humans?!?!! but oh wells. they'll face their death real soon. and bear the consequence of their outrageous acts! (have we been like that too to You??) Anyways, all in all, thank God i wasn't pecked by them.. else there'd be blood flowing down from my head. and erm would i have been sleeping in hospital tonite den? or maybe just sleeping at home with a bandaged head, but certainly would not have been studying at kap. .

thank God.. no blood. no scalds. so close..almost would have been really dangerous.

thank You for creating us too...for being our Creator who wants to be our friend...for being a real King who puts on no airs and even looks on us as Your most precious and treasured possession. thank You not just for hte things that has happened, but for who You really are.

You must have been really patient.. and still are. to have beared with Your own creation who so outrageously turned his back on You, his Creator and rebelled against You and even tried to bring Your other creation down with sin, first starting from Eve and Adam. and to let him, Your Creation in the very first place, have the freedom to roam and carry on in sin (the devil). You really have been generous..magnanimous..and forgiving.. Perhaps You also went through that extreme disappointment to see Your angel fall off due to pride, and den bringing others to their fall as well. anger as well? like how outrageous is it to have someTHING rebelling and turning against You and attacking You.

perhaps the term outrageous is for Jesus too. how outrageous is it to expect Him to come to earth to bear the cross for some wrong He did not do..and yet is done by the Father's creation. and at the same time, the process of bearing the cross for the wrongdoers is carried out by the very ones who committed the wrongdoings, yet are totally blind to it all. And den again, outrageous is prob stil very much an understatement for describing Jesus' standpoint/feelings abt it.

to say i love You, yet, is most probably nowhere near a sufficient compensation (so to speak) for ALL that You went through for me.. yet its the most that i can do for You. and the amazing part? You say that's all You want from us...just to have a relationship with You...just to love You with ALL of ourself. hmmm and You said that's the least that we can do for You. awesome is the term for You.
i love You. 당신을 만나서 반갑습니다. 하느님께서, 사랑하십니다.

2008-02-20T15:20:00.001+08:00

God will make nations our inheritance. and the ends of the earth as our possession.
(psalm 2)

perhaps cos we're called to rule as kings over the earth right from the start.. but our sinful fallen nature caused us to lose that authority/power to rule and reign alongside with God, over all the creatures of the earth..

"Serve the Lord with fear and rejoice with trembling." -psalm 2:11
....for his wrath can flare up in a moment.

fear and trembling.. perhaps if we weren't born in a country like Singapore with such a liberal culture (or rather, is there even a culture to speak of in the first place?) and instead we were born in somewhere else like... korea? where their cultural roots lies in stuffs like respect our elders.. filial piety.. etc etc. den the term 'fear and trembling' would be more applicable and understandable? [in some sense, i do envy them. and kinda wish i was born in that kind of an envt and brought up in that manner. then i wouldn't be struggling with issues of respect or filial piety or even basic manners.] cos it's like something in their normal live. and perhaps then, our reverence level for God would be much much higher. that's something good wad.
perhaps thats why the largest church in the whole world is not found in liberal countries like USA or wad.. but in south korea. with 700,000 members (if i didnt get my stats wrongly..) ...read that off some blog that i came upon, belonging to some random stranger..i think that was when i was trying to find how to say God in korean. hoho.. i think i really like korea. :) but they already have the biggest church in the world. so countries that we singaporeans should be deployed to, i guess wouldn't be south korea already.

(on a really random sidenote, last nite i happened to see this page abt yoon eun hye and her personal details there write that she's a christian. thats nice to know and i hope its really true:) haha den maybe can see her in heaven and she can act and we can watch. hurhurhur...think im mad. anyways, but for the rest of the korean actors and actresses featured, their religion weren't stated. i wonder why..)

i wan to give my life to honour this - the love of Christ.

2008-02-18T01:22:00.002+08:00

You Saw Me

~
and You saw me when You took the crown of thorns
and Your blood washed over me
and You loved me thru the nails that You bore
Your blood washes over me
~

uh huh. it's cos of that which You've gone thru. John 3:16... the giving of Your one and only Son...... that we may have the greatest gift, hope and life. 진짜 고맙습니다...많습니다! will soon learn ur name in 한굴! :)
you're the only reason why i can breathe and live on earth.. help me to never forget that please....

2008-02-11T22:40:00.000+08:00

How Can I Keep From Singing

there is an endless song
echoes in my soul
i hear the music ring
and tho the storms may come
i am holding on
to the Rock i cling

how can i keep from singing Your praise
how can i ever say enough how amazing is Your love
how can i keep from shouting Your name
i know i am loved by the King
and it makes my heart wanna sing

i will lift my eyes
in the darkest night
for i know my Saviour lives
and i will walk with You
knowing You'll see me through
and sing the songs You give

how can i keep from singing Your praise
how can i ever say enough how amazing is Your love
how can i keep from shouting Your name
i know i am loved by the King
and it makes my heart wanna sing

i can sing in the troubled times
sing when i win
i can sing when i lose my step
and i fall down again
i can sing cause You pick me up
sing cos You're there
i can sing cos You hear me Lord
when i call to You in prayer
i can sing with my last breath
sing for i know
that i'll sing with the angels
and the saints around the throne

how can i keep from singing Your praise
how can i ever say enough
how amazing is Your love
how can i keep from shouting Your name
i know i am loved by the King and it makes my heart wanna sing

awesome song. >adapted from a very old hymn thats like composed more than a century ago.
plus interview with him on youtube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b6lTZySpbpo
its just him and guitar alone. nice enough cos it's the words that matters :) and good cos he taught how to play too. one day i hope to learn it. one day~...

2008-02-08T01:41:00.000+08:00

i do really think there's something wrong with my brains already. lemme rename the problem. its called 한글 obsession.

1 if i cant see you for even one second
2 i feel so lonely and depressed
3 how can i wait another three seconds
eeya eeya eeya eeya
4 i love you oh i love you
5 im going to tell you today
6 in a world with 6 billion people i feel so
7 lucky that i met you
i love you dont look anywhere else but to me
i like you show me your laughter and your smile every day
8 my heart is going palddak palddak (thumping noises)
9 oh rescue my heart
10 even if ten years pass i'll still love you
my heart will never change.

숫자쏭
[1] 일 초라도 안보이면
[2] 이렇게 초조한데
[3] 삼초는 어떻게 기다려~
이야 이야 이야~
[4] 사랑해 널 사랑해~
[5] 오늘은 말할거야
[6] 60억 지구애서 널 만난 건
[7] LUCKY 사랑해
요기조기 한눈팔지
말고 나를 봐~
좋아해~
나를 향해 웃는 미소 매일 매일 보여줘~
[8] 팔딱 팔딱 뛰는 가승
[9] 구해줘~ 오 내마음~
[10] 10 년이 가도 너를 사랑해~
언제나이 맘 변치 안을 게~ ~ ~

yiul cho la doh an poh yi myourn
yi lor kae cho cho han dae
sam cho neun or dor kae ki da lyour eeya eeya eeya
saranghae norl saranhae
oh neu leun mal hal kor yah
ul shib ork chi gu ae sor norl man nan korn
LUCKY saranghae yo ki cho ki han noon pal chee mal koh na leul pwa
chu ah hae na leul hyang hae wu-t neun mi soh mae yiul mae yiul poh your chwor
paldak paldak dwor neun ka seung
ku hae chwor oh nae ma eum
shib nyourn yi ka doh nor leul saranghaeorn kae na yi mam pyourn chee ah neul kae

"i cant guarantee the accuracy of the 'english' tho."

2008-02-04T11:53:00.000+08:00

from now till tmr nite will be a very challenging day all the way. may God sustain me... keep me in prayer.. for my tmr to not be so tiring as predicted. may i be charged up cos i'll have two KOREAN lessons tmr! ~~
got to go bath and run for class now. and den it'd be meet ppl here and there all the way le. thank God at least i can know wad will be happening and not be caught offguard. the only thing is..i still dont know when is my thing coming. i've been praying..let it NOT be tmr please... or i'd prob have to be popping pills like nobody's business tmr cos cant miss the test tmr so cant take MC also... =S *don't want...*

to look on the brighter side i'd soon be learning much more stuffs abt conversing (i think) :)

2008-01-25T02:57:00.000+08:00

When Esther's words were reported to Mordecai, he sent back this answer: "Do not think that because you are in the king's house you alone of all the Jews will escape. For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father's family will perish. And who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this?"
woah strong words. and replied with strong words too...
"...When this is done, I will go to the king, even though it is against the law. And if I perish, I perish."

well on another 'dimension' since i'm not like perishing from what i'm doing still, that means i can still go on and do more i guess... cos even if i do perish, it shouldn't be a big deal. cos thats at most what can happen. that is, i perish. yeaah.. -psychoes myself-

저는 난양대학교에 다닙니다. :)

2008-01-20T00:59:00.000+08:00

안 녕 하 세 요 ? (hello how are you?)
저 는 싱 가 포 르 사 람 입 니 다 . (i'm a singaporean)
만 나 서 반 가 워 요 . (nice to meet you)
저 는 학 생 입 니 다 . (I'm a student)

oh wells... me and my 한 글 obsession :)
after flipping through the textbook i conclude...this is merely JUST the BEGINNING. . . but wells that just means i'll be good enough to roughly navigate my way ard korea by end of tis sem i guess heh. so i look forward =)
저 는 신 이 입 니 다 .
쟈 이/ 르 네 my 누 나 / 언 니 .

and den again, i do think there's this chance i may zou huo lu muo by end of the sem but..for now i think its still a good start to keep up with. 네!

thank God for the gathering yday..to remind me of how faithful God has been to send friends into my would-have-been-so-lonely life to stand by me through my growing up times/period and thru the 'angst' as well. and not forgetting to mention, they're such faithful and loyal friends. most of all, all four of us if we were to die now, we'd still meet each other in heaven and yeah thats the best part of it all cos thats wad i can be most at ease about. :)

2008-01-18T12:43:00.000+08:00

To Know Your Name
The precious blood of Jesus Christ redeems,
forgiven I’m alive, restored set free.
Your majesty resides inside of me,
forever I believe. forever I believe.
arrested by your truth and righteousness
your grace has overwhelmed my brokenness
convicted by your spirit, led by your word
your love will never fail
your love will never fail
‘Cause I know you gave, the world your only son for us
to know your name, to live within the saviours love
and he took my place,knowing he’d be crucified
and you loved.. you loved, a people undeserving!

aa yah or your o yo wu you ngh ee
아 야 어 여 오 요 우 유 으 이
na nyah nor nyour no nyo nu nyou nngh nee
나 냐 너 녀 노 뇨 누 뉴 느 니
ka kyah kor kyour ko kyo ku kyou kngh kee
가 갸 거 겨 고 교 구 규 그 기
la lyah lor lyour lo lyo lu lyou lngh lee
라 랴 러 려 로 료 루 류 르 리

korean classes has been great thus far. =) only had two lessons. and i'm still keeping up that strong excitement and great sense of anticipation for the class before the class. well at least now i'm glad that there's a break till the next class for me to try to learn all those characters on my own first before going for the next class considering how pro everyone else is. heh. and i really pray its not just a san fen zhong re du thing like huikheng calls it. Lord please help me sustain my thrill and enjoyment in learning this language and in the class, till the taking of this exam and beyond =)
will come back for more.. need to run for class now.

2008-01-07T11:19:00.000+08:00

it was indeed quite an eXperience last fri nite. after the SA2 gathering bbq at jx's house cooling lol. just after all the pushing into the water etc. ...
when packing something felt not right.... my stomach i mean. i seldom gets stomache.
basically to cut the long story short, i got a very severe onset of stomach aches that went on and off and went it came on, its hmmm needle poking pain kind (as described by darling) and well i was at first squatting in the toilet cubicle till the rest finally discovered me missing and found me in the toilet.
eventually i ate the famous bao ji wan. think this could be my first or 2nd time eating one whole bottle of it. quite a feat eh. and still had pain attacks on and off just a bit better. so they sent me to nearby 24hour clinic at clementi and its called Central. DONT EVER GO THERE EVER EVER AGAIN. the doctor there sucks totally. totally. ask him until i give up. ask him why..just gave me a general answer. ask him that if im not in pain le or not having that pain anymore do i still eat and he say just eat everything. hurhurhur. eat everything. hmmmm argh i should've asked him to do that himself. ><

so fri nite was a horror. a horror for me trying to fall asleep. couldnt sleep cos pain. kept waking up at weird hours cos pain.. or hot... or dunno wad. according to my research on the medicine, this could be a side effect of one of the medicine i took. >< basically i may not even have fallen asleep. perhaps i was just bluffing myself that i was asleep but got woken up. but didnt want to wake up and think i eventually woke up at 1.30pm concluding that i still have to figure a way out to get to nexus later and before that eat my breakfast/lunch and medicine given my stomach still feels so weird.
eventually i ate porridge the whole day on sat. stomach didnt feel good during dinner. felt like abdominal gas at work. ate medicine. feels worse. i think eating chocolate also made me felt better than eating medicine.

by sunday afternoon i finally shitted thanks to ame's suggestion. somehow falling sick made me stupid perhaps. i jsut didnt think of eating fruits tho i so wanted to shit to purge out all the poison in me... =)

but as of now, its still best for me to not eat acidic stuffs i guess. and seriously, i think i'm a way better doctor that the 'doctor' at the 24 hour clinic who charged me $65 FOR CONSULTATION AND MEDICINE??! yeaaah and told me rubbish.

2008-01-04T15:34:00.000+08:00

after four days into 2008 then i finally get down to penning these down. actually to be accurate, these was typed yday. but oh wells. how lazy can i get. but..better late than never. . . hmmm these nyr are just for now..

New year resolutions

1) Fight busy-ness to seek intimacy with God
2) Take cab at most once a week!

when i think of more i'll add on... =)

don't really want to commit myself to too many which i'll end up not be able to follow anyways cos i cant remember them either. . . so yeah just these for now. actually there's one more. but i'm not too sure if its worth resoluting abt... to update into eternity regularly. cos i think i wont be able to cos of many reasons that has caused me to stop previously. ohwells. see how..? :)

Awesome God video

2007-12-26T01:02:00.001+08:00

been surfing into hillsong videos lately...by spur of the moment and by chance initially. but its been good =)

2007-12-17T03:45:00.001+08:00

it's time to revive this blog. tho it's not exactly very free a period now as well since there's many cards being put aside first that is to be written. hmmm but the FREE will never come. so it doesnt matter. before i forget again... just came to note this down..

Anticipation matters. Anticipate problems! and when problems come, you wont be shocked. thats the case with most unprepared ppl, i mean the shocked part, they're shocked and perhaps unable to handle cos they didn't anticipate that certain problem coming. Perhaps that's why in God's great wisdom, Jesus told us in John16:33 to take heart [...In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.] knowing that in times of trouble we will be discouraged, He pre-empted us as well that we will have troubles --> so that we can be more prepared !

food for thought:
God will never forsake His ppl (His chosen people, His royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God) cos of His promise made to them (us!), no matter how His anger is burning against the nation for forsaking Him and His ways.

2007-10-26T01:17:00.000+08:00

hmmmm this week nomeat week. next week noplay week. just an idea i got today. and hoping that noting it down here would help..
the key is to pray more. talk to God more. pray and talk to God. :)

All in You
From the past You have come to my heart.
Shown Your ways, filled me more than enough
Like the rain, falling on my life in every part

Nowadays You are still the same.
In Your Name there is unfailing love.
Overflowed from heaven above.

Cant stop praising You, such a great love
Cant stop praising You, such a great love!

You're the lover of my heart, the Author of my life, the power of my soul
Jesus You're my ALL, You never let me fall. You hold me in Your hand...
You're the lover of my heart, the Author of my life, the power of my soul
Jesus You're my King. In You i have everything, yes forever, everyday, aLL in You

The Rock
There is no other like You our God. No one who even compares.
You're the strong tower that stands firm, unchanging
Today, yesterday still the same

There is no other like You my God. No one who even compares.
You're the Light in our darkness, Your love remains
You calm the storm in me...

My heart will bow down to You. Be exalted, my Lord
You are the Rock that i'm leaning on. My only hope is in You
i will seek for You, love and adore You. i'll put my trust in You
i want to know You more each day, and serve You my Lord till the end

suddenly feel like trying this...
can you hear hear hear hear hear me?
Faithful Father, Creator of all, Almighty God, King of all kings, yet King of LOVE

2007-10-09T23:50:00.001+08:00

today's meals:
breakfast - (did i even eat breakfast??)
lunch - 80% of a bar of meiji chocolate and a watermelon; and two gigantic fishballs from o'changkee for late lunch
dinner - yeah i ate at home

i'm getting fascinated by how i survive eating so little...

'Be holy because I am holy'... He didnt say cos our leaders are holy, or cos our envt is holy or even cos our grp culture is holy or even our friends are all holy or whatsoever, but BECAUSE God is holy.

thats why we should grow too. cos Jesus is like that. cos Jesus said so. cos Jesus is holy. . .

2007-09-24T21:19:00.000+08:00

yesterday-
breakfast was 6 grapes.
lunch was 2 ferroro roche.
lunner was Happy Rooster's 1/2 BBQ spring chicken rice.

this the way to slim down. not in my intention really. but well if you reading this are interested to become skinnier like i had, you can try my 3 meal style on a regular basis.
the key to SLIMMING DOWN in this way:
1. be picky! annnnnd
2. be lazy to go buy food. hurhur...

i dont wish to remain scrawny for rest of my life too. but i cant help it if i do. hmmmm buuuuut there's one way out to save me. ask me out to study with me. in a place where milk and honey is abundant :) where nice goood food is abundant. and where envt for studying is excellent and big tables are generously available for our taking. :)

on a separate note, this song came to my mind again.

Once Again
Jesus Christ, i think upon Your sacrifice
You became nothing, poured out to death
Many times, i've marveled at Your gift of love
i'm in that place once again. i'm in that place once again

Once again i look upon the cross where You died
i'm humbled by Your mercy and i'm broken inside
Once again i thank You, once again i pour out my life

Now You are exalted to the highest place
King of the heavens, one day i'll bow
But for now, i wonder at Your saving grace
i'm full of praise once again. i'm full of praise once again.

i want this song.... send meee... :)

past few days have been very busy clicking on ppl online to ask for ppl for the thai missions trip esp..
thank God it's more or less settled by now. thank God for making things work out..

initially it's 3 guys for thai missions trip and 1 girl - jess who can make it for both thai and manila.
and for the manila trip was a list of many girls with no guys pending at all. which we had only 4 girls altogether as of the closing date of reg.

and this was the case all the way since 3 weeks ago, ie. during the second last week of reg. for THREE WHOLE WEEKS it remained as 3 guys for thai trip. and ever since 3 weeks ago, i also started frantically clicking on the uls i have online to ask for ppl for these two trips. thank God for training up some patience in me. :) altogether, thank God for those ppl who are those on the highly-irritating list and yeah they're surprisingly the very ones who actually helped me in the end to get ppl. or rather, they tried. (thus htey can be removed from the irritating list already haa) like jiehui, freedy, and dan feng.
oh wells, it's the final registration thats shocking and amazing.

as of 21st Sept (fri) nite, the reg nos remains as that. thank God there's one guy in manila tho. so same situation for both trips. thai need at least one more girl. and manila need at least one more guy. was on the verge of confirming a trip of all guys for thai and all girls for manila (den see how for manila) by wed. but wells, God is good! and God is faithful. and God may come late but not too late. and thank God, it's not ideal for an all guys or all girls team. not beneficial for hte receiving host. and well, God paved a way out, where there seemed to be no way!

altogether as confirmed over teh span of one nite, we had the possibility of 6guys and 2girls. :) thats' a more-powerful-than-cg08-multiplication! and manila trip's girls confirmed more (even before friday nite actually) and guys from 1-->2 guys.

the final confirmation:
Thailand: 5guys 3girls.
Manila: 3guys 5girls. [8 in total for both] :) the max no. for a team for both teams :)

from an urgent lack to a filled-to-the-max teams :) God's working is evident...

whats the hurry you may be wondering. cos the air prices are increasing by the day like stock market. well not my money, but i feel great heart pain for the ppl just by booking for them and paying a much higher price than the one we originally saw like one month back.

from all the doing and chionging and rushing leaders for ppl, is like the 100% work. thru these in between i got reminded suddenly abt the 100% prayer part too. add in taht prayer part den would be 100% divine work. which well did happen tho i didnt like fast and pray for that.. well yeah God tops up for our inadequacy.
And also, it was after i chose to change my 'attitude' abt it htat things changed to a miracle-possible situation. from the "why no one?!?" to the "He will make a way where there seems to be no way" while keeping the "how can there be no one?" attitude in a more mild manner. and well, truly, God really did make a way. many ways in fact. not restricted to an all guys and all girls team anymore. instead could have 6guys&2girls, AND even can choose whether want to have 6guys&2girls or 5guys&3girls by moving one of the guys/girls. :) praise God. this is how it should be. more than enough ppl. overwhelming response! such that we can like keep them excited and watching out for the next one (hopefully)! :)

last Sat's sermon too. well i can only rembr most vividly the final most impt qn: Is God real? which i guess is the key of it all to getting us further than the be-a-leader-lor kind but to the if-want,den-do-it-ALL-the-way kind.

and came teh point abt prayer again. ah. again. how many times do You have to repeat Your point before i'd get it rite? hmmmm.
from doing the spiritual gift test as well. prayer is the key to exercising any gift i have (whther or not the full marks one and the half of full marks one is really my true spiritual gift) it all still requires prayer to activate. how to live life in power without praying for more empowerment to come upon me?? Remind me to pray more for others please, this is my prayer for today. heh but yeah. amenn. :)

2007-09-22T03:59:00.000+08:00

thank God for ppl. ppl sent on God's behalf to remind me that i'm not alone and neither am i in this alone. even though sometimes it may seem to be like that... and that i'm not the only one feeling this way about the situation and the poor response etc... thank You :)

the splendor of the King clothed in majesty.
let all the earth rejoice, all the earth rejoice.
He wraps Himself in light. and darkness tries to hide.
and trembles at His voice, and trembles at His voice.

how great is our God, sing with me, how great is our God
and ALL will see how great, how great is our God

Age to age He stands. and time is in His hands. Beginning and the end. beginning and the end.
the Godhead three in one. Father, Spirit, Son. The Lion and the Lamb. the Lion and the Lamb.

how great is our God, sing with me, how great is our God
and ALL will see how great, how great is our God

You're the Name above all names.
You are worthy of all praise.
my heart will sing how great is our God

2007-09-18T17:51:00.000+08:00

hereby announcing my INTENTION to change my blog address again.. heh. now changing to:
http://themethodis.blogspot.com :)

cos i want a nicer name for my blog.. =)
so sorry for the inconvenience on anyone be it a guang-ming-zhen-da reader or a secretively-reading reader

it was JUMP!concert yesterday! -jumps- (to add in to that atmosphere :))

great. picture that scissors jump that tony did in anniv........ ppl may just think it's some hillsong concert or wad.. And the whole experience of both anniv and concert...brought back much memories of thai camp and also the time of accidentally visiting Hope Place and visiting pastor prayuth in his office. it was an amazing privilege i'd say. to know that he's such a friendly and sweet fatherly figure that perhaps everyone would long to have him as their father. and it's just soo amazing.. even tho at that point of time we'd some difficulty communicating with him cos of the language 'barrier' cos his english wasn't so good (compared to now in teh concert i think his english improved). some church staffs have this distancing effect from them at times but he doesnt! fatherly figure...maybe thats why :) yeah till now i'm still reminding myself to praise. to choose to praise. to choose to play some praise song in my heart and in my mind. Thanks to pastor prayuth. who really lived out what it means to live a life of praise. dunno wad exactly to call it. but yeah.. this is really called action speaks louder than words... being some observant and detailed person (trained to be more like this i'd say) all the efforts put in even thru the tiniest acts/gestures, i can feel and see too.
overflowing from the heart of praise. overflowing from the heart of worship. a m a z i n g . . . thank God for that whole experience. for that amazing song that hope bangkok composed themselves too... hmmmmmmmm

2007-09-09T02:16:00.000+08:00

i find it quite interesting to find in my "posts" that there's actually a few drafts which actually weren't posted. for some reasons that i dont even know of! yeah thats why it's interesting...
i find it quite interesting too how news and stories of things taht has happened before in the past has spread so well and fast and 'silently' and efficiently to all the newer ppl who joined minops. that only means minops is truly gossipy. hurhurrr after awhile you just get so used to it that it doesnt really matter anymore eh... and yeah i wonder if the gossipy part is good or bad sia.

service today. and then clm. Felt like a faith+works seminar followed by a healthy lifestyle campaign. haha. the most interesting part is still whats learnt..
+when you say something you want to do, do it!
+when you tell God you want to pray (as in change for the better in e aspect of prayer), pray!
+feel good + but no action = feel bad. (should feel good + do it = den will feel goood.) but... most of all, feel nothing + action = feel good! --> feelings not required. just acting upon it will do. [pastor jeff didnt put it like that into equations but i just felt it looks more comprehensible like that. cant help it. i'm a math studnt afterall :)]
+i've had many miracles like healing that happened in my own life too. and witnessed healing miracles taking place in someone else's life too... and many other things i've strived to do before.. but "i used to..." is coming way too often....... Glory to glory doesnt seem to be taking place. it's more like degenerating or glory to gory... Dont take things for granted. the church has to move on and move forward to greater glory.. It's time to look back and trace back on God's goodness and how He has not only transformed me (from lack of confidence to confident and disorganized to err organized till i'm organizing stuffs for ppl..and many other more) but also added onto me when i'm in financial lack or lack of physical energy etc, and also, healed me of even a rather small little thing last time that no one knew about and whcih He didnt ji jiao with me for not telling others abt it.
+"I am not saying this because i am in need, for i have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and i know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through Him who gives me strength." -Philippians 4:11-13

2007-08-17T01:27:00.000+08:00

count my blessings...
thank God for the missions gathering that was once again eventful...(cos of sharlene) heh. and yeah very enjoyable. thank God for the satisfying pizza hut dinner as well! thank God i escaped from sharlene's chasing-after-game after we left her talking to herself in the toilet =p heh *i hope she won't ever see this and start chasing me again on sat haa...* thank God i reached home quite fast after we went to drink teh bing (milo bing for me) cos the bus was very fast. thank God i stayed up last nite to attempt my homework...at least i completed my homework as far as possible before going for tutorial :)
thank God i could wake up this morning tho i slept so little the night before. thank God for bringing me to school this morning, dry :) thank God i managed to survive today. thank God for that unexpected one hour plus break rather than a hectic six-hour straight of lectures as was supposed to be :p.. would've died with this little amount of sleep i had. hmmm thank God for jinqi's home and for jinqi. for letting me go her house to sleep before my tuition! thank God i was able to catch some good rest there such that i could be more awake in tuition today. thank God for sam's parents to always send me back, and even to my doorstep.feel really blessed for that.
thank You God most imptly, taht i'm never in lack cos You're watchign over me every step of my way and providing for me in all my needs.

2007-08-14T00:47:00.000+08:00

it's kinda tiring trying to make changes to this blog. not knowing of certain available stuffs to make these changes easier, earlier on. oh wells, after changing the blog address, i'm also feeling too lazy to tell ppl abt the change..bleahs. :p oh wells..meanwhile, shall just use it and change it for and to my own pleasure heh heh heh...

bleahs...havent really done hw yet...

2007-08-03T00:49:00.000+08:00

just some thoughts that i can type here since i'm at hte comp now...

perhaps when we're not ready to give cos we're so focussed on holding onto whatever we already have, it'll then 'hurt' a lil' more when God eventually takes it away from us. but when we're already constantly on the lookout for what more can we give/offer up to God, it's like training up this willingness in our hearts to give to God what we have, and so in a way, when He asks to take, it'll be like 'easier' i guess for us to let go then.

so take my life and all that i have to give. take my world just inhabit all of it. take my dreams and make me assuredly Yours. take my life and all that i have to give. take my world just inhabit all of it. take my dreams and make me assuredly Yours.

2007-07-07T00:28:00.000+08:00

now i feel more into THE role. yeah my true role. Really thankful for the chance, the exposure, the enrichment/learning/experience gained/eye-opening opportunity, and esp the friendly SCM and other staffs who took us in their class. (including those who screamed across the whole class just to communicate with WanKay and me. hurhur...really interesting..
thank God WanKay is not difficult to communicate with. sometimes our freq not there yet..yeaah but thank God those times were quite rare still. and yeah it's been memorable. so much so i really meant every word i said in the thankyou card to my dear SCM in btps. :)
thank God as well for this newfound fren who actually lives so duper near me. prebelieving..in certain many sense. :)

been having this "celebrity"-feel the past few days.. everytime we walk past students who greet us, i'll feel like a celebrity. hurhur. abit the not-used-to-it sia. hard to explain. when u (ever) get to my position, perhaps u'll den understand better. furthermore, the introducing to whole class or whole sch is hmmm..hmmmmmmmm..... But overall, it's been a great experience. just four days is enough to make me miss the sch and the kids! amazing eh. Just hope next time i go out from my house i dont see little pri kids walking past me and saying like hi ms tan or something. cos i'll like err. . . [faints] *crosses fingers* >< scary ehh...

Looking forward to next week, yet with some apprehension. hope i'm not in for some shock.but i also dont wish to see onLy the fairy tale side of life there cos that'd be rather dumb too.. apprehensive. it's confusingly mixed feelings. like with much hope yet not daring to hope cos hopes dashed will be like ouch.
looking forward to the future as well. not to next sem. not to studying. but to the actual thing itself. why waste time any further rite..when the rest of the staffs seem like they're in much much need for help to relieve them of their millions and loads and piles of duties and all...

that reminds me. Overall conclusion from tis stay: it's not easy to be excellent in everything you do, in all areas and it really woNt be easy esp when u've jsut so much to do and wish to do. (and even, besides just school life?...)

but thank God for mrs tan. for her life. for showing how difficult yet pleasant and sweet a blessing ur life can be (just like how hers has been to me) when you just do ur best to be excellent in all areas -whatever her motivation is in being excellent i'm not sure cos i cant really tell from her desk if she's a christian or not. but yeahh it's simply amazing. and touching. how she has that kind of a desire to do her best, even with little tiny winy complaints abt workload and all here and there, i can still see her spirit... Ahhhh..i can go on loads abt her. she's one of them who made me rEally rethink abt sec/pri track... first ever man.
as well as many other teachers like ms boey(the em3 pro who can keep even the naughtiest under control. like wow.) and many more. just hope they weren't just putting up a show for us --which i just cant seem to understand why on earth would they ever need to do that! i feel like a small fry with them but when they take us in they're like making us feel like we're in certain ways stressing them. but wells thats for sOme only la. hmmm the thing abt Respect for others i guess. even for those younger or less experienced or so-called lower in authority than you as well, when you show them respect, you gain even more in return; plus u win them over.

thank You for the amazingly 'long-feeling' week thats almost comign to an end. now's good cos i'm not doing much.just observing and shaking leg still. but still, perhaps the rEal one has even mroe inspiring stuffs in store? besides just all the rEal battle ongoing with controlling e class n all. thank You especially for tightly holding onto me when i was falling as well. oh! and thank You for helping me wake up every morning and not be late this past few days! what a breakthru for me(in some sense)!! thank You for preserving and supplying me with energy to carry on too.. hte list goes on..and on....:)

2007-06-29T13:59:00.000+08:00

thank God for the wonderful teacher who's in charge of me for err 4days only? but she's really very nice. and that's a great great blessing. she even treated me and another girl to a drink! well the fact that she even bothered to ask us down to bring us on a sch visit shows how nice she already is! and furthermore she was the one to first call us also when she first got informed abt our coming. the way she showed us around made me feel like that's such a nice place to be in. in a certain way only actually ha ha. i wont wanna go for a primary sch for long..seriously NO. but htats if i can keep with wad i'm doing and do well and all.... thats only if i perform well..yeaah........ why does my dream lie with my performance? cos dont pursue den wont get it isit?

in a way, thank God for the supper last nite as well... :) a gathering. reminding me that there're ppl who still remember the past. not with bad memories but with good ones. that altho we leave the past behind to focus on the future it's not that it's a bad past, but it could be a sweet and memorable past.. but greater or better or sweeter thigns are to come.. ---a Hope-filled church---

2007-06-20T01:31:00.000+08:00

it's now raining outside. . . suddenly big den suddenly small. rather confusing. abit like how i'm feeling now.

2007-06-19T01:18:00.000+08:00

i'm gonna be promoted sooon toooo.. to an auntie haha. actually that term auntie doesn't at all sound very nice to me heh but it's the part abt having my own niece and nephew that excites me :) hehhhh my niece or nephew or both (who knows!) heh coming soooon.. My bro was so excited to break that news to me this morning in a msg.. haha he even managed to put a picture into the second msg he sent me heh :)

anyways, i wont be around this weekend... will be in genting highlands... see if i can encounter God even more there than in service cos it's on higher grounds...closer to where God is (so-called) ha ha . . . but oh wells i'd much much rather be in service this sat and on sunday be in cg in sentosa playing frisbee and all !! =( And wad abt the wfl manuals that i've yet to settle to get rid of one by one...... bleahs... thot the genting would be next sat and not this sat.... and my mom didnt even tell me earlier..only after she already booked the tickets. how intelligent...

just finished a rather bo liao survey. my school seems to enjoy carrying out pointless surveys... Wonder why don't they ask me wad i think abt exams... i've LOADS to say abt that... besides that i suck at them, i think they're totally pointless and useless to our learning-if they're really truly concerned abt this they really ought to do something abt it. Cos it's really pointless to have exams that simply test how good u are at taking exams.and not abt how much u know abt it. (speaking from the perspective of one who simply suck at taking exams, yeaaah..) And wads the help in our learning when at hte end of the day we still don't get to know wad went right or wrong on our paper and to know our mistakes?! so wads the point. how on earth will we ever learn in that case? -.- okk our education system has really failed in this sense.. and as a teacher-to-be, i feel really really sad that things will remain this manner still....and i'll then have to pass on this just-get-thru-ur-exams kinda spirit to my students. Dumb. or rather, Lame. What can i do about it..................................
in a way i really wish i know the edu minister in singapore personally, or am the edu minister so that at least i can try to influence the person to do something radical BUT useful, (or rather, do something useful THO radical), so that the nation and in turn, the world, may benefit greatly from it. That ppl may see that there's some meaning in life afterall, for us to pursue. cos the education system is logically trying to teach us something good - and well yeah indeed there's something good out there... if only ppl can come to see this. More may come to realise and be less skeptical abt the Good News of Christ being here to bring us everything good - that the common saying 'there's no such thing as a free lunch in the world' will be no longer true henceforth...
Will it come to pass?

2007-06-10T01:39:00.000+08:00

Under the shadow of Your wings, i will find my hiding place
For You are my refuge. my tower in whom i will trust...

some are hard words to say for now. even when looking at the barren field makes u not know how to praise God or thank God for it. yet only in You then i can find strength to stand up again. sometimes i still wish so much that You dont work so strange and incomprehensibly..

all i can say is thank You for giving me a very close friend. to share my joy and blessings and halve my sorrows and pains. without her, i cant imagine me, deteriorating with no one to help. but when the day comes i'll write an even longer dedication to her:) soon soon
...and of course, thank You for being my Friend.

2007-04-26T01:26:00.000+08:00

Chat

This is the last verse of the song "Chat" by Michael Kelly Blanchard:

Most of our life, we bleed from a knife
That cuts from inside out.
Push down the lid and keep those scars hid,
Act like we haven't a doubt.
Now and again a memory slips in
Of a moment that filled us with shame,
When we could've or would've
In retrospect, should've,
But didn't, and that's really our pain.
Somewhere on the journey
We need to turn off comfort and sound,
Confide what we've done, Not try to deny it,
To the maker of all girls and boys,
And hear Him say, as He always does -
He says it to everyone - no exceptions!
There's nothing so bad, you can't confide in me, love,
No heartache or lasting regret,
Nothing so sad that you've tried to be free of,
That I won't forgive and forget,
Because I love you, I do!
I love you, it's true! I love you, I do,
You bet!

interesting song lyrics ripped off from some webby i was surfing on..

2007-04-24T01:49:00.000+08:00

hmmmmmmmmm sometimes when u cant tell if what u say is good to say. so might as well dont say..? use song ba.. a song striking in a new way... cos of the words that that worship leader said before singing the song... "...this song has been written with you in mind. ....you may feel like u've nothing to give. you may have a broken heart, a broken life. but Jesus is standing here saying Come, come, come....come to the Father"

So You Would Come

Before the world began, you were on His mind
And every tear you cried is precious in His eyes
Because of His great love, He gave His only Son
And everything was done, so you would come

Nothing you can do, could make Him love you more
And nothing that you've done, could make Him close the door
Because of His great love, He gave His only Son
And everything was done, so you would come

Come to the Father, though your gift is small
Broken hearts, broken lives, He will take them all
The power of the Word, the power of His blood
And everything was done, so you would come

2007-04-02T23:34:00.000+08:00

i'm so so so looking forward to the end of next week even before the start of it already!
i shall describe it here.

The Description Of a Killer Week...
Mon - aay104 test (hmmm tough..quite alot to memorise...mechanisms, reagents, conditions, blah blah bleaaah)
Tue - ALS research paper 1500 words due. (the no. of words alone spells death to me...doing a topic on how much i think students like me cant write essays for nuts... erps, doesn't my topic justify why i shouldN'T be asked to do this essay in the first place..!? sigh but they dont get it...)
- ALS in class reflection (dunno wad on earth/the hell is that __ )
- ALS 5min presentation of topic and so on. (sounds totally pointless and useless to me. since after the presentation it's not as tho we can have time to still improve on our work thereafter or wad.. but oh wells, even if have, i also doubt i've the time to...)
Wed - err to prep for my thurs and fri..
Thurs - aam104 test. supposedly i should think it's those simple and meant-to-be-easy quizzes.. but this topic to be tested on is err a topic which alot of us were very confused by and abt in the lecture itself, and for me, even after doing the tut, i was still confused. haa.. primitive root modulo would u wanna know wad it's abt??)
Fri - aam 103 test. in a way, i should be grateful that my this test is on Fri and not on thurs. yeah so in a way, that's goood ba.. :)

anddd at 1030am, will be my TIME OF RELEASE from hte neverending tests and datelines prison :)
(everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades) neverending...Your glory goes beyond all fame.. and the cry of my heart is to bring You praise from the inside out of my soul, cries out... [heh i always think of tis song when i think of the word neverending]
so yeaah i'm really looking forward to the end of next week.

and on top of that, the end of next week would means i'm like mcuh much nearer to 18april! *counts down...
cant wait.. really cant wait.
actually it's only barely been 3days only...
perhaps cos the past weeks u've been like the only one whom i can spend time with..(perhaps cos u're like my getaway from schwork and all...) either that, or u've been the only human whom i feel i can depend on..so much so that i've become just so dependent on u ba.. it's not that good a thing i guess. so God, please please continue to cover this dearest person with Your mighty Hands of protection, that is able to shield us from all harm. thank uu Jesus...

was just thinking and concluding some days back..the key to forgiveness is love. so to forgive someone, i need to go love the person again. love despite the past hurts of getting hurt after having given so much. love despite fear. despite those haunting shadows of a failed attempt... cos once u start loving the person truly, forgiveness will fall in place naturally. and there'll no longer be the need to try all means to force urself to forget the past hurts or disappointments in the person, or to forgive jsut by saying 'i forgive'... but just love. and that'd be sufficient. and since God is my source of love, my supply of love, i should never run out of patience and love for anyone. -loved and called to love. please grant me more of Your love and grace to help me thru this... in Jesus' name i pray, amen

until the sun stops rising, i'll need You in my life.

i wouldn't trade You for silver or gold
i wouldn't trade You for riches untold
You are, You are my everything
(i couldn't live one day without You)
You are, You are my everything

2007-03-29T00:12:00.000+08:00

He says one day you'll come back...

You see, His arms are open wide
Saying "Son, i want you by My side"

'Cause I love you, I simply love you
Won't you come and hear your Father's cry
'Cause I have given the land of good things
If only you would come, if only you would come...
If only you would come and hear My cry

Jesus He is patiently standing at the door
He says "My beloved one, what are you waiting for?
I've prepared the place for you to shelter you from harm
To shower you with all My love, if only you just come

'Cause I love you, I simply love you
Won't you come and hear your Father's cry
'Cause I have given the land of good things
A pasture laid for you, treasures all anew
If only you would come and hear My cry
Hear your Father's cry

2007-03-21T14:03:00.000+08:00

wad?!
oh wells. a chunk typed was gone in a split second. faster than i could do anything to attempt to salvage. oh wells...

sometimes i really miss the past. just recalled this specific incident some years back before some incidents took place. it was a game we played. it was quite fun. although it was with ppl whom i didn't knew. but anyway, that incident i rembr was quite a significant one in some ways...the 'last' one in a certain aspect. if only time had stopped then. if i'd taken/insisted on an alternative, would things have been so much so much more ...different... ...better? at least some things would not have ever happened. and some consequential stuffs would never have taken place as well. and some consequential stuffs of the consequential stuffs would never have happened too, rite? and the list goes on... ....and yeah things would really ahve been very very different. the photo hanging in front of me now may not have been here, with me inside..cos i guess it just wouldn't have ahppened in the first place, so that pic would not have me as well in some way.. is that called a trade-off?

anyway, yeah it will end soon. soooon. ...
will go get the plaster and maybe gauze cloth+scotch tape... will cover it and it'll be ok sooooon...

wonder why is the world/life, like a durian at times... so sharp. so painful to live with all heart and soul and efforts and all. cos it doesn't pay off all the time. that i feel like many a times i must just grit my teeth and abandon my heart and just go for the 'right' thing.

on the other hand, O Lord, please watch over this person who is so so impt and dear to me. You know how much i need this very person in my life, esp at this point of time. Pls take care of this person. You know how much i struggle...and how much i just cant live without this person in my life. it's dumb i know. but i'm just this fearful. just this worried. just this over-anxious and paranoid. so paranoid that You will not do what i was hoping for You to do if i just didn't ask You to. so now i ask..please protect this person wherever the person is and will be going.. The person needs You. and i need the person. so ... (decided to eliminate this following whole chunk else anyone reads this actually)... and i really pray You'll bring this person back to You soooooooon..and i really hope and pray it's very very very soon. and yearh can tell You've been blessing the person ...so please bring the person back to You! that i may see the person in heaven. and repay the person for all kindness and goodness shown. for now this person is on my topmost wanted list in heaven... may this list be changed sooooon by June. that is to say the person has received You into her life.

2007-03-12T10:53:00.000+08:00

hmmmmm

went IT fiar last evening only to get sAaaad. i wanted to check out 3 things..amongst which i'm very keen on getting 2 of them immediately. buuut... the casing ifound was really nice and all..pretty..can fit..price not so good but still normal and reasonable to me..never really seen before..cool! buuuut it was the last piece left and behind's dirty. wad for pay so much to get something not that new looking :( yeah oh wells. the other. the 2GB microSD card!! :(( i saw it! i saw the price! so excited that it was soo cheap cos it was much cheaper than the one that selling in my sch the other day but i missed it cos i left the room too late!! :(( but nvm. cos htats 2GB. guess wad? i saw 2GB and 1GB pricings there yday. buuuut when i went to ask they say no more microSD card. and all i can do is gasp :O ... :( so i re-asked over and over again. no more Sandisk? no more Imation AS WELL?? no more 1GB AS WELL??! and the person's like yeaah totally no more. :((( the saaddest part is the getting excited for nothing part. when expectations are raised higher..but in vain. >< (interpret the symbol urself..to each his own) why do i aLways have to wait? while ppl can just get their stuffs so fast.. and then again, that scene there at IT fair. is mygoodness. only singaporeans are capable of tahan-ing it i guess. and perhaps only singaporeans can stir up such a huge crowd eh? dunno. amazing. didnt know everyone so IT savvy/IT crazy one as well.

after that. Kenny Rogers. with goooooood cheese macaroni. eh. having a camera phone doesn't help in mkaing me rembr to take photos of gooood food before starting on them..esp when i'm too hungry to think abt wad i'm eating or who's around me and all. hmmm yeah. actually it's quite bad to starve myself and all these days by skipping meals. buut... i just increasingly don't have appetite for alot of things recently. ie. really very baad.
after that. Kbox. good in the sense that we're doing something different! and good in the sense that it's quite cheap considering it's weekend still but only ard $12+ per person. and err it was supposed to be my treat. errrrrrr shan't include other comments. but wells wells. i might as well end here.

i see my tendency to get homesick more and more. cant tell if it's cos of external factors besides home. or jsut the concept of weekend. but i nver knew i could feel homesick as well. ..... and the lonely 'feeling' just makes it all the worse. so yeah somehow maybe cos of hte many factors, i can hear myself singing the song "in my loneliness, You are there...." more often.. yaathe thing abt.. ppl are often busy when i'm free (and feeling bored and lonely), yet are also seemingly free and organising gatherings/going out when i'm busy. blah blah blah.. bleahs

the homesickness that could stop me from pursuing wad i really hope for.

"If you've a dream, go for it! Don't let anyone tell you you can't." -from the guy called Chris Gardner in the show.

there is no one else, no One like You. Jesus...

2007-03-05T23:19:00.000+08:00

hmmm... to bring a little revival to my blog. *let it resurrect from sleeping for the past month/s...

just some thoughts... (from most recent to not-so-recent)

last time read somewhere that there're some devices whihc we use at times without knowing its functions full well. but we still can use it and somethign like but we may not fully utilise the thing as much as we ought to..
having a function that we do not know how to use, or not utilising it at all, would be equivalent to not having it at all... yeah like if amelia didnt tell me abt how to use the camera settings i wouldn't have known that there's this 'hidden' power of this camera whihc i ahven't utilised..and i was still wondering why is it seemingly lousier than the 2mega and 1.3mega ones... cos those with 2 or1.3 ones knwo how to fully utilise even that little 1.3mega. tho sounds outdated and small and nothing much in comparison with uprising new and modern technology already, it's still good enough to beat one who dont know how to utilise a 3mega, and whom use it as tho it's like worse than a 1.3mega... hmmm yeah perhaps. the similar thing with our giftings perhaps. as mentioned in the bible. the one with the one talent used it and multiplied. same for the one with two/three talents. but hte one with five talents buried it...(like wad i'm doing now with the phone i guess).. for fear of.. FEAR. alot of things. alot of worries and concerns that plagued the little seed growing amongst the stones and rocks. and perhaps similar to spiritual giftings too. and similar to..the way we tap on the Holy Spirit as well i guess. like the in one of those entries of the Encounter! pre-camp devotions... we tap on it in such a manner as tho that's all it has. the Holy Spirit i believe can function way beyond a 3mega but many a times when we live life without tapping on the Holy Spirit's power for living, we make it function as tho it's way worse than a 1.3 mega.. at times we may even not use the function at all.. the precise reason why we pay so much for all that function (like how Jesus went thru so much and shed his blood for us so He can den tag team with Holy Spirit to continue to finish the work begun in us...) yet we don't exactly use it.
we dont always need to covet the things we dont have actually. most of the times, we dont need them anyways. hmmmmmm

wondering some days back. why at times the good things even after blogging abt them, we've the tendency to forget them so easily. yet for the bad experiences that we go thru, we don't even need to blog abt them or wad to be able to remember them so vividly and have them imprinted in our minds so clearly.

that's why pastor simon eng last time said it's a choice. a decision. to write our failures on the sand and carve our vision/hope and good experiences on a rock.
so hard to know how to think and do... wad a struggle. like wonderland. anyway..perfection: heaven. not there yet. maybe thats why. . .

2007-02-18T03:59:00.000+08:00

yess.. the long-awaited-for break is here at last!

was thinking to myself just now.. after reading pastor jeff's blog..(my no.1 most visited blog currently)
what ever happened to my plan for regular sabbaths and my planned sabbaths??! =( no wonder so sad and tired and dead. still feel it. have been feeling like a selfish little devil these days. now as well. but the Father still never ceases to show love..never gives up..
-sorry and thank You...help please, as only You can and only You would..

even this week of cny visitations and 'break' needs some proper planning as well..
Please grant all of us good health Lord..
oh esp the 4 flying off this coming thurs to pathu
:)

2007-02-06T21:22:00.000+08:00

this is my desperate attempt to make myself a little better. not too sure if it'll work but i'll just try it anyways...

STRESSED. STRESSED STRESSED STRESSED STRESSED STRESSED STRESSED STRESSED STRESSED STRESSED. STRSEEED STRESSED STRESED STRESSED STRESSED STRESSED STSRESED STRESSED STRESED STSRESSED STRSESED STRESESD JFAL;IFH A;OIHRA;IJFOA;IFHJAIFAE;ILEJ;DIOGR
yeah i need to calm down a bit. a bit. just a little bit. dunno why am i eating so fast but i just got to stop eating and come over and TYPE SOMETHING to vent out SOMETHING. before i bite myself to death. before i give up on everything that i'm doing right now. before i start considering to commit suicide or something.
stupid stuffs they come up with. WAD AM I SUPPOSED TO DO ?!
WAD ON EARTH CAN POSSIBLY STILL RESPOND? ?! ?!?!
THEY SAY FINISH EVERYTHING ALREADY STILL ASK FOR WADEVER DISCUSSION?! WRITE WAD. WRITE THAT I DON'T MIND YOU FAILING ME?!
AJFOIAJ FO;I AWJEF;ASHJIVIOLA IJF OAPJIFOIAJFOAZH5O:JFL
feeling some blood gushing to my brain now. giddy. stress > anrgy > agitated > giddy

a milliion things to get done by this week.
i also wonder why so much.
all at one go. it's aLways like that. so rather peculiar.
they really think that i'm studying or doing work 24/7. either that or they think that paying me is such a BIG deal that they're giving us so much stuffs. either that or they think everyone is as smart as the smartest guy or girl in the whole class. either that or they think TOO HIGHLY of all of us. either that or they think i'm devoting my ENTIRE LIFE to studying ONLY. either that or they think that we're FAR TOO FREE. either that or .. i'm just thinking too much. that it's not something worth stressing abt at all....... that it's not going to count that long a way afterall. or that they'd certainly have left out some stuffs such that i can add in to make myself feel not that DUMB afterall. or that God will make a way so that i can smoke thru making myself sound intelligent when actually i'm just BULLSHITTING. or that things will be fine even if i don't do anything at all. not as tho i'll die? or not go heaven? yeah...

PLS DO NOT COMMENT ON THIS POST. COMMENTS ARE NOT WELCOMED. THANK YOU.

time for me to go back and more properly and slowly chew the rest of my dinner. it did kind of helped a little. kind of. not always is this possible. but yeaah. it happened. hope i don't come back to post something similar again tho i think it's quite probable...

2007-02-01T21:16:00.001+08:00

a conversation went like this today...
"wads the date today?"
"1st Feb"
"huh OMG one month has passed already?!"
yeah indeed i've the same sentiments too... one whole month into 2007 gone already??! ...
today has been tough. very tough. at times i feel like my patience tested like siao with my frens ard me... or have i been just too patient that ppl are like taking advantage of me..or my "nice-ness" already?!? :( i'm not exactly that glad to know that...
i'm tired. really tired.. of being.. "nice". and also got tired of being salt and light and all and blah...
bleah. maybe all these moodiness lately is due to the coming of this. really really didn't expect this thing to come today. not at all. usually i'll have the feeling and knowing it's coming and be like "anticipating" for it, NOT in the looking-forward-to-it sense, but more like watching out for it in case it suddenly comes any moment, that i wont like u know.. be unprepared and err yeaah wont wan that. but it happened. haven't happened in a really really long while. all these while have been like really taking note of the time and like even counting down and often being much much earlier-prepared than it really is.. oh wells. it happened. already.

You bought my life with the Blood that You shed on the cross
When You died for the sins of men
And You let out a cry
Crucified now alive in Me
These Hands are Yours
Teach them to serve as You please
And I'll reach out desperate to see
All the greatness of God
May my soul rest assured in You

I'll never be the same
No I'll never be the same
Cause I know that You're alive
You came to fix my broken life
And I'll sing to glorify Your Holy Name Jesus Christ

You changed it all
You broke down the wall
When I spoke and confessed
In You I'm blessed
Now I walk in the light
In victorious sight of You

Your fire fall down
Fall down On us we pray
As we seek

Show me Your heart
Show me Your way
Show me Your glory

First i thank my God thru Jesus Christ for all of you, becos ur faith is being reported all over the world. God, whom i serve with my whole heart.. (==> i cant say for sure that i'm serving God with my whole heart, not less to mention loving Him with my WHOLE heart? yeaah.. ) in preaching the gospel of His Son, is my witness how constantly i remember you in my prayers at all times; and i pray that now at last by God's will the way may be opened for me to come to you.
i long to see you so that i may impart to you some spiritual gift to make you strong -- that is, that you and i may be mutually encouraged by each other's faith. (am i being an encourager to others' faith now? or am i being a bad testimony or bad example or even stumbling others by my actions or deeds or words?? Spiritual gift...i feel i have the gift of wisdom cos when smart things come from me so suddenly, i just know it's not me. and when it comes so often when ppl needs it, i just believe it's a gift from God le... bUT i'm not exactly using it... of course. i may have faith and hope, but if i have not love... [1Cor 13:1-3 -- If i speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, i am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If i have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if i have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, i am nothing. If i give all i possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, i gain nothing.] yeaah if i have not love, then i am nothing. nothing... LOVE. to love others is a choice to make. a decision ... and also, it's a command from God... to love God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength; and to love your neighbour as yourself - the one which i feel like i'm struggling with the most now...) i do not want you to be unaware, brothers, that i planned many times to come to you (but have been prevented from doing so until now) in order that i might have a harvest among you, just as i have had among the other Gentiles. (==> it's nOt that God cannot do anything about it. it's just that He has a better plan in mind. He has HIs hiGher plans and ways and purposes...the best plan and second best plan even when things go wrong when we screw things up. there's nothing that He can't do... including giving me a greater ability to understand and absorb all the new stuffs we're learning, and which are expected to be able to memorise and all...God knows them all and is able to help in all of those. cos He promised in James that He will give us wisdom when we ask for it, so that we will not lack in anything... cos He loves... so so much. )
i am obligated both to Greeks and non-Greeks, both to the wise and the foolish. That is why i am so eager to preach the gospel also to you who are at Rome. (==> eagerness to make Jesus known...do you still have that desire burning deep and strong??as it first was when you initially came to know God and experience His goodness and blessings and all and felt compelled by Christ's love to help others come to know the Lord...)
Romans1.

no turning back. no turning back.

that intimacy we once had. it's possible to get back.. yeaah it's possible.. it takes two hands to clap. so .. if the other side is willing (like ever willing), why or how could there still be a problem? unless i'm the unwilling party.......... yeaah

2007-02-01T21:16:00.000+08:00

2007-01-19T12:34:00.000+08:00

the fragility of life. the fragility of mankind. thinking abt victims who witness the fragility of life.
and then thinking abt counselors. those who are supposed to counsel these victims, yet should not try to get emotionally attached or they'll be really absolutely drained. (thinking back abt the course i attended that other day) ...but how is that possible?? to be involved but not tooo involved... oh wells wad am i talking abt. hmmm yeah that's why i cant be a counselor. cos i'll get too emotionally attached even tho i keep telling myself not to. maybe gift of mercy too strong haha.
the word that came to my mind now: heart-wrenching.
i dunno. i'm emotional i agree. but at times like... i really think certain forms and ways of doing things should be ignored totally. like there's got to be a limit to how much we should be restricted by forms and all as a form of .. wadsoever. oh wells. i'm intentionally not making myself clear as far as i can.

suddenly thot of a verse. and the whole passage it came from as well.. (reminded me of a very very dear fren)
Psalm 23
The LORD is my shepherd, i shall not be in want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters,
He restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for His name's sake.
Even though i walk through the valley of the shadow of death, i will fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.
Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and i will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.

hmmmm...
song playing now: Through It All

You are forever in my life. You see me thru the seasons.
Cover me with Your hands, and lead me in Your righteousness.
And i look to You, and i wait on You

i'll sing to You, Lord, a hymm of love
For Your faithfulness to me
i'm carried in everlasting arms
You never let me go
Through it all

actually not only was i thinking abt the victims. thinking abt the God of all as well... the God who is the One to whom they all belong. to whom we all belong. the One who created us. the One who moulded us in His own image and whom watches over us every single moment of our life. the One who is Lord of all and above all.
how is it possible that He is then heartless or even evil - so to speak, to not do anything abt the things that has happened when He's all powerful? i cant have an answer. cos i'm not God. but the only thing that can best explain and help to better appreciate His higher-than-our-ways ways that i can think of would be to try to imagine how HE'd feel. the very One who is Good in nature, and in whom and through whom, all good things come and flow like in Romans 8:28 (God works for the good of those who love Him...) but certainly He has a better plan in mind rite? He couldn't have been evil when all thru'out the Bible, He's been said to be the sovereign and loving God! so how then can He be evil?? how then can He be cruel or heartless? afterall we're aLL created in His own image. so if we have feelings, surely He has feelings too! unless He's really evil or a psychotic god who likes to inflict pain on His own creation and watch them suffer?? ... BUT yet at the same time, Bible has also said that He's the very One who said... (ah at last i found it..) Psalm 56:8 (NLT) "You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in Your bottle. You have recorded each one in Your book." hmmm yeah the same God described in the Bible, inspired by obviously the same One God.
then isn't Your pain even greater? to have a higher plan for it all, or rather, to have a reason..a better reason for allowing that to happen to ur precious beloved child, and then watching over and collecting every single tear that Your beloved precious child sheds... that feeling. isn't that worse? yet You who know the future. You who know everything that is going to happen in the future if certain things dont happen this way. Had to do this something else. which most of ur children will deem as cruel or heartless.. a huge sacrifice there too....

2007-01-15T01:44:00.000+08:00

thank God for the little thrills in winning the games today =) yeah! win den fun. heh makes me happy (cos of the winning part). the funny part contributes to the fun too..!
won two rounds of citadels (one extended version, the other the normal version)
- i scared it's prob the only time i'll win, so i better blog it down! haha.. as proof that at least i've won before in both! heh cos i was so far from winning in the chalet when we all first played it.
and then went home and played monopoly wiht my sis and bro n dasao. at last. like at last they're willing. hmmm like dreamcometrue actually. bro n dasao only willing after at last they've tried it last week and experienced for themselves how good it is to play monopoly also afterall. after tasting for themselves. -it's possible. -and yes it's true..u'll never know till u try it ! and thank God that i won again! heh once again. cos i scared i dont get to win again! haaa similarly, i've been getting used to losing considering the no. of times i lost the previous few times.
conclusion of the day: hmmm...winning makes me happy ! ..?
=) and that salvation works the same way, someone needs to try it before they can believe that it's really true that God's love is sweet. ... that we can have more to life than we currently have now.! yeaah..possible possible.
takes faith. just faith.
sometimes not just. but well i guess usu it is. just 'just'. just faith. enough. would be enough..

2007-01-13T01:17:00.000+08:00

Verses for YEAR 2007:

1 But now, this is what the LORD says—
he who created you, O Jacob,
he who formed you, O Israel:
"Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have summoned you by name; you are mine.

2 When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.

3 For I am the LORD, your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior;
I give Egypt for your ransom,
Cush ^[a] and Seba in your stead.

4 Since you are precious and honored in my sight,
and because I love you,
I will give men in exchange for you,
and people in exchange for your life.

5 Do not be afraid, for I am with you;
I will bring your children from the east
and gather you from the west.

2007-01-13T00:55:00.000+08:00

thanks .. for all the prayers and all.. thank God i'm feeling ..much better.. at least i had some peace.. my heart felt much more at rest than before when i just woke up this morning, or before i went to sleep last nite.. cos of bothering thoughts..unsettled business.. yeah thankfully. =)

i watched One Last Dance today w my bro n sisinlaw. the theatre's great. the popcorn's fine (cos i only ate a little). the nacho's good, while cheese's hot. but the show...it's disappointing. yeah very .. SO WHOEVER READS THIS, AND EVER CONSIDERED WATCHING ONE LAST DANCE, PLEASE DON'T!! COS IT'S REALLY SUPER DISAPPOINTING!! dunno if i'm being mean to say this but it's just my personal opinion: the show's indeed a true-blue mediacorp raintree production! on another hand, i think i'm biased too. cos i was really disappointed to realize at the inital stage that the show i'm abt to watch is a mediacorp raintree production ... having overseas actors just helped in a way to make the show less saddening. but not much. cos the .. the storyline's ok (mian qiang-ly speaking) but the production..was..bad. hmmm will hope to watch a movie with fresh ideas of storyline..but they showed a 'movie' with a 'fresh' way of showing. maybe im more critical of it considering i just watched Blood Diamond not long ago. and it was ..good i'd say. rather scary to me. it presents a whole new perspective of Africa to me. didnt realize it was that dangerous to live there. and didnt realize how relatively much safer it is to be living in Singapore, and that yeah how fortunate we are to be in Singapore, with a still-rather-effective law system and all. thank God... but in that case, how is Africa going to be saved?? ... do i have to go missions in Africa?..i'm scared...... hmmm the thot of surviving there is already quite scary. but wells God will protect.. just that i'm unwilling.. to me, that's like a challenge not only to walk on water, but more like a challenge to walk on air..

2007-01-11T15:15:00.000+08:00

i dont have the courage... many a times i'd much rather admit that i'm a coward than to try to muster all the courage i could and do something. yeah even now. even now... but there's two conflicting decisions and both requires a great deal of courage, to me. i wish You speak to me in a more obvious manner... i pray for..courage, Lord. courage to pray and believe and follow and make the right choice. ... in jesus' name i pray, amen.
You see the depths of my heart and You love me the same, You are amazing, God
You see the depths of our hearts and You love us the same, You are amazing, God

Indescribable
Em Dsus/F# G G2
From the highest of heights to the depths of the sea
Am Am7/G F
Creation's revealing Your majesty
Em Dsus/F# G G2
From the colours of fall to the fragrance of spring
Am Am7/G F
Every creature unique in the song that it sings
C2
All exclaiming
G Dsus
Indescribable, uncontainable,
C2 Em
You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name.
C2
You are amazing God
G G2 Dsus
All powerful, untameable,
C2 Em
Awestruck we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaim
C2
You are amazing God
Em Dsus/F# G G2
Who has told every lightning bolt where it should go
Am Am7/G F
Or seen heavenly storehouses laden with snow
Em Dsus/F# G G2
Who imagined the sun and gives source to its light
Am Am7/G F
Yet conceals it to bring us the coolness of night
C2
None can fathom
G Dsus
Indescribable, uncontainable,
C2 Em
You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name.
C2You are amazing God
G G2 Dsus
All powerful, untameable,
C2 Em
Awestruck we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaim
C2
You are amazing God
G Dsus
Incomparable, unchangeable
C2 Em
You see the depths of my heart and You love me the same
C2
You are amazing God
C2
You are amazing God

2007-01-10T08:10:00.000+08:00

Worship Forevermore

O Lord, You have given to me all that i need
And i pray for Your will to be done
And i ask for Your Spirit to work in my life
That i can be a blessing to You

Holy One, You're the Light in my darkest day
Showing me the power of Your truth
And i ask for the touch of Your Spirit in me
Giving me the faith to believe

And i will stand here lost in Your love
And i will worship forevermore
And i will stand here ever amazed
And i will worship forevermore

Forevermore
O Lord, You are all that i need

2007-01-07T02:08:00.000+08:00

You alone are great in power, You alone are my strong tower. And i will lift my heart and soul, to worship You alone
For You alone are my desire, You have set my heart on fire. And i will lift my heart and soul to worship You alone, worship You alone. when singing this song, the last part became visual to me.. i literally imagined the heart being set ablaze. dunno how that occurs to others. but doesn't matter. to me, it's rather..impactful i'd say. perhaps cos it's true. it's a very true imagery. You've set my heart burning for You before, burning..ferociously..not too sure it's still that way now, but certainly it happened before, and You cant just leave me like that after that?! rite?
and u, u heard all that battling going on in me.. all that conflicting thots and voices. all that stuffs that sound real and are really real and yet are just some lies afterall. and all..and more.. i'm sure u know. but u're not ignoring rite? u just gave man free will. u wanted to. and u did. and not that u cant cxap in and do something abt it. u could have. maybe something drastic like creating an earthquake or soemthing and den appearing there. or like even just appearing right in front of me now to tell me directly hOw. thats indeed drastic enough.. but u dont. u could even choose a little whisper, that'd be enough to me but i prob also cant tell the diff. or a still small voice. but i'll prob be too deaf? a million maybes. a milion things u can do. not so much of i-believe. but i-know. wad cant u ever do??! so yeaah u can, never a matter of u can or not but whether u wan to or not? whether u find it that helpful or not, perhaps... ur thots are higher than my thots, so are ur ways, they're higher than mine. thinks things thru. th th th. ... expectations.. i'll go on. imagining that no one's reading. not so that a someone will read or wad. but in hope and in mind that no one will read this. life and blogging will then go on better this way i suppose. glad to have got into angelene's blog. considering i dont really like the idea of reading other's blogs. lazy being one reason. and blogsurfing is not of any interest to me. and i dont like the idea of reading ppl's private life as well. weird. yeah think i'm weird also sometimes. sometimes, i'd say, cos i've seriously met weirder ppl than me haha.. whom yet on the otehr hand i'm quite thankful for also. so well wells perhaps i'm really weird afterall. hmmm and maybe that den is how and why i'd be ok with and even quite 'treasure' the weirdness in others? ah wells. expectations. life. judgements. being judegmental. being judged. ppl's views. ppl's expectations on u. unspoken but can be felt. many. maybe i should just have an essay titled The Unspoken. and i'd prob be able to write like essay long of that eh. at times living up to expectations are like the toughest things in life. like roles and responsibilities. titles/status. brand names or even just the act of being branded as this or that. i loathe it all now. the very thing i find myself doing all so often, i loathe it. maybe thats why i loathe it this much as well. not a sudden thing definitely. but a feeling perhaps. from that..word.. i suppose. a qn i keep. a qn i'm rather shocked to hear when i first heard it today. from a voice during cg worship. so if i'm given a clean sheet to start with all over again, will i stay or leave .. ? the answer was quite immediate from the other side. of course stay! like yeahh cos its the chance to have all the past wiped off. all teh brand names taken away. no longer known as ex sheep or ex shepherd of someone. no longer known as leader. no longer deemed as a certain 'image' for having, or even not having certain roles or responsibilites. failures all wiped off. wrongs all taken away. interactions all made new. miscommunications all forgotten. all anew. all afresh. no more biasness towards anyone or relationship or wad. no more fear in going to talk with that person cos i'm starting anew. can use the 'excuse' of never-tried-before. never done before. alright to make mistakes cos that'd be for my first time. and many many more.. ..... but.. liKE real! it's possible. definitely for a very forgiving God it's possible. cos He did say that His Son's blood has washed away all our transgressions, was, is, and is to come. all included. yeah so starting with that clean sheet would certainly be possible. in fact, it's wads promised to us in the BIble. but not for men. no.. unless it's all possible with men? the erasing of one's failures, mistakes, successes even, brandnames, roles, responsibilities, abilities, titles, status, ..Past. if ppl keeps no accounts of those as well. if ppl dont brands u on with those as well. ....... the lesson learnt and all is in the mind. all in the mind. cos thats the place for keeping all the pleasant stuffs. for keeping all the useful and beneficial stuffs. BUt ... life is far more often than not, in a not-that-possible-with-man manner. not that possible for them to just forget. or wad. so u can only just dream on. wish on. .. like a bird with clipped wings. but with an imagination that still can be allowed to go wild. but not really, for itself. under pressure. clipped. kinda crippled. and it's told a million times time and again that it's been liberated already. but it's not flying. it's still not flying. it cant fly. cos it's living in the shadow.. shadow of expectations from ppl. shadow of wad ppl thinks of u. perhaps in an open cage. (ooh thats kind of an oxymoron. didnt really realise that i said that...), wings no longer clipped. but the shadow's still there. the shadow of the clip. so it's been dreaming alot. letting its imaginations go wild. like really wild. and it's not exactly not doing anything at all. it's still walking ard, hopping ard, running ard even! and not really ard..but nearer towards its aim. may not have gotten there in the shortest time it could've taken cos it's not yet flying. but it's still moving towards there. towards the open door of the cage. towards the eventual final soaring out of that cage... no pain. no tears. no blood. food all provided. cos the Bible said that even the sparrows' food needs were well-provided and taken care of by God. the bird then wonders and realises.. 'am i now in heaven?'
this morning thot of the song.. cant rembr the exact sequence and correct exact words but well wells tis the best. did you ever talk to God above? tell Him that you need a friend to love. pray in Jesus' name believing that God answers prayers? Have you told Him all ur cares and woes, every tiny litte fear He knows. and you know He'll always hear, and He will answer prayer. on a lofty mountain peak He's there. in a meadow by a stream He's there. everywhere on earth you go, He's been there from the start! find the answer in His word, it's true. u'll be sure becos He walks with you...you can cry when u're alone with Him; you dont have to pray out loud to Him, He knows ur thots. find the answer in His word.....
oh wells.. is it just faith and trust only? really?

ah.2007. suddenly thot of my 3D-growth. thot it's rather comprehensive already. but looking at SMART goals, seems like it only fits into at most maybe two out of ard 6 or 7 sections..? ohwells moving on....

2007-01-03T14:08:00.000+08:00

life has been rather happening thus far in Dec 2006, i'd say =)
with all the not-sleeping nites..haha.. not doing anything serious..but simply PLAYING! yeaah that's cool!
first was camp the last nite when we almost didnt sleep..if not cos i wasn't feeling well at all. sigh.. that stupid red thing really spoilt the camp.. =( but thank God nothing much too drastic happened i guess.. shan't elaborate. :S
and then was overnite at ben's house on christmas eve. play all the way. seriously didnt sleep.
next was chalet one day later.. didnt sleep on the second nite as well cos there was no space.. but ok la i slept for like..half an hour on puay's position after she woke up at ehms 9.30am..and guess wad she woke up to do??? to play spider solitaire!! ... -.- i was quite erps.. but i was too tired to react so oh wells.. (and well done to myself for having forgotten to do my course registration during the chalet and after the chalet!!=p bleah now i'm not too sure how..)
and one or two days later, it's another overnite! which i got to know abt on the last day of chalet when some of us were having lunch tog and jiehui called me to tell me abt the emails that have been circulating. hmm well it was a great gathering. somehow, least playing amongst all the overnites i had. yet my favourite of all. yet the most enjoyed one of all to me. sharing..sharing..and sharing only. while one or two concussed during the course of it. but the ones standing strong are bruce jasmine ruth and me heh heh, cos my body is screwed already by all the not-sleeping but it's certainly moreeee fun (than all my not-sleeping in May/June06, cos those times of not sleeping was mixed with tears, while facing the comp myself, compiling wfl reg forms and going crazy each time i find myself losing count or just getting confused. in a way i'd say i dread the pain more than the guilt and all. zi ji kang. cos no one else could help. bad memories. oh wells.) well wells, really thankful for the mission trip in April. cant thank God enough for that. 2006 has been a really really looooooong year for me. never been so long before for all my past years. so much so i cant be sure i really wan all my other years to be as long as this. will spend another entry on this looong year that has jsut passed..or i'll never be able to properly embrace 2007... with ying yings...
and just another few days later, it's new year eve! ppl go countdown, we go overnite! heh and i got to learn drums from walmond!! so cooL! he's a good teacher i must say. =) learnt two types of beats which i think is cool heh.. but it's really sad how ian irritatingly go and change that beat to be a sad one by adding guitar to make it sound like those funeral sounds!! =( stupid ian..! but oh wells, it's quite cool to learn drums. something i've always longed to do but felt like i'll never get the chance to cos my motor skills aren't that good =p
well wells maybe just cos too much new things has happened in 2006 that it's been a really really long year to me. haven't adapt finsih to one change, there comes another already. and then right after, or even during that adapting comes another yet again. i hate changes. but they just keep coming. yet in my heart, never felt like the way i felt before in 2006, the desire to have certain changes so. weird to me. and strange of me. oh wells.
and once again, the devil is like eating me up. i need to get out of this emo-ness before it gets any worse..or rather, beforei get totally consumed. i'm learning to take care of myself..

2006-12-24T20:00:00.000+08:00

there's no greater joy, Lord, than being with You.
and i think second to that greatEST joy would be bringing someone to know God!! =) and also bringing the led astray ones back to Jesus... yeaah definitely.

Jasmine: i can tell u're really very happy
heh yeaah indeed. so much so i'm willing to do anything to help my fren be retained. =) it's impt. i know it and i believe it. =) a thrill indeed. it's the BEST christmas present to me ever. thank You Daddy, You are soo good.
hmmm if i'm not wrong, two years back, it was my jiejie. but after that i was disappointed again. cos she was disconnected from the adults person after some little attempts from her to connect my jiejie..even inviting her to swimming heh i still can rembr.. And den it was last year when eileen came and received Christ! but after that i think there was no proper FU on her. so that seedling died. that got to be my fault. to press it upon her and not properly clarify with her on the spot and on our train journey away from nexus, like why she said hte prayer etc. and this year, i'm even more delighted than ever. i wont let go. i promise i wont. i cant take it. i cant stand the thot of seeing her almost everyday next year knowing that i've let her go?? nonono.. no way. i see teh support present. i believe she can beat the devil, with God's help... =)

but heh very very long haven't do 24h/48h FU le. hehheh jsut asked timothy frm dunno which fac also. (not taht sure how he looks like also).. and yeaah the steps.. (that sound alittle familiar still..thank GOd..haa) CAPI:
Connect - establish rapport n build r/ship so that the NB is comfortable
Affirm - assure the NB of her salvation n eternal life with the 3 verses: Rom 10:9-10,13 ; Eph 2:8-9 ; John 1:12
Prescribe - give NB a few simple ways to get started (by praying a little & reading from Matthew).
Immunise - immunise against doubts/obstacles that may prevent the NB from growing (eg. fear of commitment, parental objection)
the fear of commitment part is indeed something new to me
thank You God. for sharing that joy with me :) happy christmas to You too :)

2006-12-16T23:51:00.000+08:00

my current fav song. top on the list.

I'm Forever Yours

I give my all to You
Send me and I will go for You,
To the ends of the earth,
I'll follow after You.
I want the world to know
Your love endures forever.

Tell me and I'll obey.
This is far greater than sacrifice.
Trust in You and not myself
Will always lead to blessing.
Lord have Your way in me.
Not my will, Yours be done.

Here I stand within Your presence longing for Your touch.
A thousand days cannot compare to one day in Your courts.
Hold me now and never ever let me go.
My Jesus, my Precious Saviour..
I'm forever Yours.

I will worship You forever,
I will worship You..
I'm forever Yours.

was looking for these lyrics, and chanced upon aLOt of interesting stuffs. interesting ppl's blogs. passionate ppl. ppl who are very passionate abt God as well. a whole blog devoted to God. these two persons whom (i highly doubt is from Hope cos no matter how i search high and low i cant find any clue taht says the person is from Hope heh cos usu will quite obvious one heh) have differeing age. i'm guessing one is in teens while the other is in early twenties. doubt they two know each other also. cos i CHANCED upon their blogs. yeaah. cos they both have this song i wan. oh actually teh other one didnt but oh wells. it's quite encouraging afterall. oh WAIT one of them could be from Hope Brisbane!!! gosh. i cant believe my eyes. Hope de ren! :O yeaah.. okk wait and see her reply first. mmm.. wonder if i can still sleep tonite. why am i so excited? ehms, think cos she's a Sinagporean serving in Hope church overseas in Brisbane!(that's if she's really in hope brisbane.) and her add is..before i forget: http://joylovebliss.blogspot.com/2006_11_01_joylovebliss_archive.html
and found this other interesting video! (which tho jerel just burst my bubble by telling me it can be easily found on youtube) i find it super cool! rembr. i CHANCED upon all these. so yeaah, i think it's rather cool, considering i just anyhow said to lishan n joycelim just now on bus that i think i wanna learn Spanish and here! i found this! hmmm fate? hmmm coincidence? hmmm i believe life has way too much coincidences for everything to be juSt a coincidence. and yeaah, trying to learn some Spanish thru this video of Mighty To Save in Spanish. quite dumb it may sound but this is just for fuN. yeaah. no harm if i can catch anything. since i just had some korean lessons just now! now is spanish! so isn't that cool! if i can even learn wad's Jesus or Saviour thru a song !! yeaah to me it's cool. and that's enough. :) and that's all that matters to God as well :) anws, add is:
http://deetee.wordpress.com/2006/09/11/hillsong-dios-puede-salvar/
and i ripped this off one of their blogs.. the one who could-be-from-Hope-brisbane! heh..
a believer who disobeys God will find it very hard to continue in faith becos disobedience implies that a person lacks the desire to follow God and to live according to His will and purpose
cos this encouraging i shall keep it here. yeahh so true. (and gosh all the stuffs she write sounds really like those typical hope teachings! it's surprisingly cool to me. dunno how to explain..cos i CHANCED upon all these. yesssss. how often are coincidences purely a coincidence afterall? i dunno but this is really cooL to me! as in. dunno how to explain.. !!!!)

looking back at the lyrics again.. God You've really stolen my heart. the day You let me enter and stand within Your presence with the knowledge and feeling/experience of Your real presence. yeah ever since that day, You've stolen my heart. cos ever since then You left me desiring so so much for that touch again, and again, and again... and i was never satisfied after that. never. that yeaah even a thousand days on earth, no matter with wad sorta human company, it's also never able to satisfy/quench that desire, or rather, taht NEED... that need for You. for You again, and again, and again... just one day in Your presence would be all-sufficient. please bring me to heaven then, Lord. i don't mean now, yeah i think u knwo wad i mean. please dont decrease in me. be ever ever ever increasing Lord but never decrease please please please. nowhere else i'd rather be in. i see it now. may not last for long. may not be for long. not sure how long more. but help me to never forget at least. cos if not, i'm so so sure, knowing myself even for that minimally, i know i'll certainly forget.
cos You've spoken. thru a song. again! yeah again. this time it's differnt. cos this one is different. not like the past. how different i dunno. but maybe it saved me from the pitless bottom thats why it's even mroe powerful but no idea, it's really different. or at least it feels really different to me thsi time round. maybe also cos it happened at a very different place. maybe most of all, like said previously, it's more timely than ever before. it's more timely than... than yeaah.. at the just before it's too late time? to show how patient You've been all these while..? to show how faithful You are thru'out this whole period..? to show how much You..care despite...the seeming lack of 'concern' or help You send. ...? i dunno much. but all i know for now is this. wo zhi yao ni.
thank Youuu. [for? everything. too much, so use everything to sum it all up. yeaah... =)] in Jesus' name i pray, amen.

2006-12-13T23:43:00.000+08:00

just a thot just now.. like wow pastor david is really full of faith. maybe thats why the hope bangkok ppl are soo powerful. maybe it's cos of just one person. like listening to the faith stories of pastor PN, so like the ppl in hope bangkok get so inspired and encouraged and charged up with faith as well. simple faith. dunno how to say. my point is simply: it takes only one person to be full of simple complete faith to inspire the rest. just one cos it's contagious! and den soon more will catch it too. and den soon when everyone there is sooo full of faith, .. dunno somehow the atmosphere will change.. it'll become different! and so.. powerful! like everyone tehre. like a whole congregation..faith-filled! very different!
cool! the only sad thing is i missed his last teaching by quite alot! only managed to catch the first point and the last..one or two points liketaht.. but wells was settling something impt!

thank You. all i can say is thank You. for Your love. for Your patience. for Your perseverance. for Your rescue. for Your sacrificial giving .. of life. for Your vision! for Your calling.
despite my muddy-ness. and of course, unworthiness. and unloveliness too.
and thank You for the camp =)

2006-12-06T01:23:00.000+08:00

wad happened?
nothing. really nothing. that's the truth.
maybe it's precisely cos nothing happened . . .

2006-11-29T10:38:00.000+08:00

My Life Is Yours

I come into Your Presence
Drawn by Your Grace
I come into Your Presence
The loveliest Place
Full of Your Mercy
You've given to me
I'm soaked in Your Love
O Lord My God

My life is Yours
My soul is not my own
All that's within me
Will live to please You Lord
You alone my Master
I'll serve You forever
You alone Adonai
I'll serve You forever

2006-11-28T18:57:00.000+08:00

from this dunno-wad-illness attack, i conclude that i hate to fall sick, esp esp esp during exam times!! i hate u! go away!! go away u stupid phlegm! go away u stupid side headache every now and den! go away u stupid running nose that is for-God-knows-wad-reasons is apparently only running on my right side. (seriously almost everything is occurring esp on my right side..i relaly wanna know why...!)
i just took a nap. so ready to wake up. i'm not even tired. i'm just sleeping cos i feel so sick! gosh i want to recover!! GOD PLEASE HEAL ME.... !!

current status: one AS down. two mods to go. !

today's passage: Judges 6-7 (interesting!) GOd's power in my weakness :) God pls heal me...

2006-11-27T07:49:00.000+08:00

eeks she cao shui is very very nan2 he1!! blleaaahss

sick. both the drink and me. after drinking this thing, suppose my sore throat should get better le ba? why would anyone in the world like to drink this like on a regular basis/?! why do they sell it in the drink stall!?! *another gulp of it down.. i feel like crying whenever i take a sip/gulp of it. *another two big fast gulps... wonder if it's cos of chemical reaction or just my psychological effect that i feel like crying. abit the kua zhang...

this is indeed a very very bad time to fall sick.. was having sore throat and slight side headache last nite. oh yeah and plus a running rose that also, like hte headache, only on my right side. very strange headache all of a sudden... no possible reason that i could think of that could have caused/triggered it off... the only reason i can think of... perhaps i just used my right brain too much already over this entire sem... (wads right brain used for btw? i learnt it too but forgotten.. and gosh how does that affect my right nose.. !?!) oh wells, have been wanting to buy HiCee to chew on to help immunise my body heh but couldn't find it anywhere where i passed by, not available in 7-eleven.. and now also dont really ahve the time to go out of hall to buy it anymore.. sad. i'd very veyr very much rather spend on HiCee than on she cao shui when the taste is so so so so so so so so so different! (in fact worlds' apart..just dunno why they both exist on earth..)

go back to studying le. GOD bless my fellow exam-ing frens.. :) esp those taking papers in another ard ~1 hour's time. like jasmine, sharlene and puay. and shuyi's paper at 1pm. and jasmine's second paper of the day at 5pm. God please watch over them and help them rembr all that they have studied and made effort to memorise :)
i shan't mention how the two crazy ppl tormented/bullied/victimized me yday and esp last nite... (no need to specify names i suppose, it's quite obvious who are that two exceptionally crazy onesss)
and God bless the hopesem course later ie. starting in abt 2hour's time. God bless esp my helpful cg who have been volunteered by me to settle everything :) heh..and Lord i pray there wont be any problems that will have to be channelled back to me for all three sessions! =p *with crossed fingers.............. heh amen ..

27th Nov (Mon)
phil 2:1-11
Thinking Like a Servant :)
the breakthru devotions are really really really gooooood ! equivalent to a teaching :)

2006-11-25T02:48:00.000+08:00

since i cant sleep and feeling a little high. i might as well blog.! never thot of that. good idea afterall :)
but i still cant believe why i'm not sleepy at all. seriously, i only slept barely 3 to 4 hours last nite! the nite before..ard 9 hours? bUt the 9 hours got so POWER one meh?! can last so long one..?! i dont believe!! so i really think that i perhaps have eaten soem steroids by mistake either yday or today.
cos yday i was rather hyper also even till 4+ am.. and i didnt feel sleepy even after i go back to my room at ard 4am. gosh and i attribute taht tothe medium coke i drank at 11plus am from macs. maybe i too long ahven't drank coke so like the amount is rather alot all of a sudden, so the caffeine more effective (than ever before) on me this time round sia.. maybe maybe. oh wells. i still dont feel sleepy. in fact for the past half an hour or so i've been trying to induce sleepiness in myself by getting myself to yawn..argh it doesn't work. haven't been able to properly yawn yet..so guess not there yet. sighs. maybe after blogging this i'll feel sleepier....i prayyy*clasps hands*
but wells wells. jsut thot of the thought that struck me rather 'randomly' today..the thing abt priorities. the thing abt my heart motive. in doing things. in doign ministry. in studying. and etc. like the part of the song that hit me most when i just re-started my mp3 and it was playing in the middle of a song.. first lines i heard: "i'm sorry Lord for the things i've made it, when it's all about You, it's all about You Jesus... You're looking into my heart..." God looks beyond the superficial..into our hearts. cos our hearts is all that He cares about. no joke! the heart that cost Him a bomb! the heat that cost Him His precious one and only Son.. the heart that tho is really so not worth it looking at the way we fall back to our carnal nature so so easily , and the way we jsut keep disappointing You time and again, be it thru our rebellion or disobedience/insubmission, and breaking Your heart big time each time...guess the kinds that we've experienced from ppl we've taken care of is also nothing compared to the kinds that we ourselves make You experience from ..us. the little thing that sparked off that whole thots in me.. was actually jsut goign to print the hopsem papers and den leaving with a sense of satisfaction. i really got quite shocked by the qn that came kind of silently yet 'piercingly' in a way. dunno how to put it. like yi zhen jian xie. bulls eye. wads my priority in all these? wads my motive? to please God with faithfulness in ministry so that God will bless me in my studies? or to please God with a faithfulness in my studies so that God will make my ministry prosper?? but yeah indeed there's also some other underlying probs which i've yet to address, which i've left there hanging for abit too long le. some things waiting for me to come to terms with. like howthis incident helped me come to terms wiht my bad memory/performance in the calculus paper that day. the key word is priority. the star qn from God: so wads ur priority? wads ur heart motive? yeah doing all these for wad? do i know my 'meaning' ?
i got misfocussed..yet again. : and U're even more patient of me than i am of myself. ... amazing GOd. wiht an amazing love. that You never fail to amaze me iwht ur amazing timing of delivery of certain msg..certain learning. if any earlier than this, the reception may not have been as good. may have failed even. which i think was wad actually happened ba. cos U never gives up on us. and You're always trying. and You keep on trying. even way more than we do.. than i do. :) thank You... for that.. :)
time to move on le.. cant sleep also must sleep. not tired also need to try sleeping. .. goodnites.. goodnite Daddy

2006-11-20T01:13:00.000+08:00

hmmm i think that all our pastors are really superduper cooL! like superduper!! heh... with my limited vocab, i can only think of saying that they're (all of them) just so so AMAZING.. pastor jeff is so so amazing.. pastor ben.. was lookign at their photos on the church website few days back, it's so funny! hehh cute i mean... as in, it was definitely very well-taken, but cos it's so well-taken, it's still quite funny..cos they look so COOL heh. this sounds like a pastor-worship..... mmmm but wellls yeaaahh pastor shirley.. also.. =)

been quite amazed...at my discovery from Biblegateway...
was having this conversation with huili abt her end yr project....

// says:
i actually visited the temple 2dae
haha to ask for permission to film
da chairman there asked me to try for myself
i sat down and showed the 'dang ki' my hands
he straight away says "you're a christian...you don't believe in me. Go back to your Father..."
lol
no doubt evil spirits know
God knows my needs more than i do says:
hmmmm

// says:
da funny thing is she need to see my hands b4 saying anything
God knows my needs more than i do says:
hmmmm
// says:
is dere anything in da bible dat says such?

den i went to search biblegateway on the word 'hands' in the bible... there were so so so many entries abt 'hands' taht i concluded that God does place qutie alot of emphasis on teh hands.. on our hands.. :) but still couldn't figure out.. wads taht 'power' we have in our hands that the person could see and tell that she's a Christian..? (btw huili concluded, and i htink so too, taht the person must be possessed by an evil spirit..)
and anywyas, the KEY is on the concluding finding of the search.... and it lies in the last parts of NT esp... =)

me:
1 Timothy 2:8
I want men everywhere to lift up holy hands in prayer, without anger or disputing
!!!
ok i think this one is even more ultimate!!
Revelation 20:4
I saw thrones on which were seated those who had been given authority to judge. And I saw the souls of those who had been beheaded because of their testimony for Jesus and because of the word of God. They had not worshiped the beast or his image and had not received his mark on their foreheads or their hands. They came to life and reigned with Christ a thousand years.
hmmmmmmmmm yeaaah maybe thats wad God means by CLEAN handsss.... that we're NOT marked with the mark of the beast...

huili:
ohhhhhhh
wad a revelation

heh a great revelation of the day... that's what the Bible says.. can't be wrong.. quite clear-cut also, we shouldn't have mis-interpreted it as well ba..i guess... =) so cool..
give us clean hands, give us pure hearts
let us not lift our soul to another....
=)
O God let us be a generation that seeks
seeks Your face, O God of Jacob
maybe the person who wrote this song had encounters with the spiritual realm in taht sense before.. or even used to take part in those last time.. thats why the person wrote the song in this manner.. the song seems kinda much clearer in its meaning now to me.. =)
we turn our eyes from evil things...

2006-11-16T21:14:00.000+08:00

i'm now eating the BEST chicken hor fun in the world! yeaaah. perhaps it's my first proper meal of the day. i'm so hungry i wonder why. i've been eating none stop the whole day. not eating. to be exact, is snacking. yet i'm still so hungry.! perhaps it's the wait at the stall, waiting for them to cook finish my food.. the long wait perhaps... that got me soooo hungry.or perhaps they put something in teh air over there! that i couldn't stop buying food! while waiting i went to buy a box of Collon chocolate. after that waited. food ahvent come. went to buy drink..decided to be healthy.. or rather, just make myself feel healthy tho i already drank ribena this afternoon. (it's all a facade in the name of health..mroe like i just wanted a drink.. more like i just wanted to spend cos i've been stuck up there in my nest for way too long already.) gosh since ~7.30am?? yepss.. till ermss.. ~8+pm. then i finally went down to buy proper solid food. hohoho. yet i've been so inefficient. only written yet <1000words>12hours! the furthest i went to was 3rd floor to refill my bottle. which i went like ard 3 or 4times. hmmm i'm a shui tong indeed.

oh wells, was supposed to laugh at amelia's funny acts two days ago one heh but didnt have the time to blog. (so u're lucky! haa)

2006-11-10T23:48:00.000+08:00

interesting webbie intro-ed by jialii.. heh very interesting... i look like jap and koreans.. basically just not singaporean heh. even got ang moh. how li hai hehh

2006-11-09T20:39:00.000+08:00

lemme talk abt my eating habits these days... or rather, i'll just talk abt today. i seriously dont have all the time in the world now. in fact i've no time. but i have to take time off to do this. it is necessary to me. to my mind. to my soul even, perhaps.
i ate honey stars and drank a packet of milo this morning at 8+am.
ate Macs $2 breakfast set at ~11+am.
ate nie canteen chicken chop at ~2.30pm
ate hall 3/16 canteen lemon chicken rice at ~8pm
later definitely going to continue snacking cos i wont go out to buy supper one. no time and too lazy haa.. and i've choc digestive biscuits from my da sao which ihavent touched. and i bought the Collon choc biscuits also. my current addiction. still got one last pathetic small packet of lexus choc biscuits...sadly one left only.. my current other addiction. yups not to forget that from 2.30 to 8pm i snacked alot alot..with sweets and sweets and more sweets. i dun dare to know wads in my stomach. but i do know that my whole body is full of MATHs now... SADLY... two consecutive days of heavy math testt... okies.. go back to do moRe maths le...

"I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me. Yet this i call to mind and therefore i have hope: Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. "
--Lamentations 3:20-23

2006-11-01T23:39:00.000+08:00

Lord i come to You, let my heart be changed, renewed
flowing from the grace that i found in You
Lord i've come to know, the weaknesses i see in me
will be stripped away, by the POWER of Your love

Lord unveil my eyes, let me see You face to face
the knowledge of Your love, as You live in me
Lord renew my mind as Your will unfolds in my life
in living everyday by the POWER of Your love

hold me close, let Your love surround me
bring me near, draw me to Your side
and as i wait, i'll rise up like the eagle
and i will soar with You, Your Spirit leads me on
by the POWER of Your love

reality vs. faith.
my human eyes vs. eyes of faith

the stars will light the sky for u always God be praised. =) always God be praised.
by bringing me into a ministry where i need to use my weaknesses to serve. You've got to be a God with much foresight... when i am weak, i am strong... *flexes some spiritual muscles*

2006-10-30T23:05:00.000+08:00

talking abt the Chem test today...
it was goood:) cos unexpectedly it turned out to be a solely MCQ paper!
and it's in a very very interesting format! the paper's structured to my advantage i feel.. heh cos it's in such a way that no one can be sure of themselves scoring or doing well. like the NSW format of mcq. the dont-do may be safer kind. doing may be even more dangerous cos will deduct marks if get wrong. heh. and thank God for my teacher! he's so sweet! he even let me take back my paper cos i told him i ddidnt understand the instructions previously and i wanted to cancel away some answers..heh..and he allowed!! :)
actually i'm so glad i went for the gathering instead of going back to mug.. not htat mugging is not good.. but at least i didnt miss out on teh gathering's precious time of fellowship, BUT no i wont dare to take such a risk again. doubt God likes to be tested by me in such a manner all the time.. :p
oh wells, thank God..really tahnk God
and like i realised very late that i actually still had alot alot to study but haven't completed..was like not even anywhere near there, but htank God for calming me down and putting my heart at ease.. its' like, everyone else looked so stress when they studied so much but i looked so relaxed! heh.. really thank God.. and all that i studied within that short period of time..that few hours i had, cos i still had project meeting.. so within that short period of time, i actually unknowingly picked the right topics to study!! thank GOD!! i didtn study the whole part abt electrochem stuffs and was very confused abt it even til the point just before the test, and it didnt come out at all! and there's still more! like how i abandoned periodicity and bonding chapters totally cos like i roughly know those. and seriously speaking, the ones i spent most time studying came out most qns.. really very amazed...
thank you everyone for praying together for me, for tamar to lead the prayer... :) blessed richly beyond words and anythign else. it's the experience that's the greatest blessing for me. nOt the results! cos i still cant be sure that i can do well heh but wells, still thank GOD..=)
and one more thing! thank God for waking me up this morning!! miracle of miracles! i'm quite sure alot of ppl in my cg would agree..esp those who've tried giving me many and numerous and even almost innumerable amount of missed-calls for morning call heh.. i woke up on my own cos God woke me up! and God gave me the discipline to wake up! :) thank You Daddy..
so amazing first time in a very veyr veyr long time i woke up to wake the alarm clock and even to bath den settle down to hear from my "morning-call"-ers and to thank them... a breakthru ...a great great and very wonderful breakthru for me indeed! =)
and thank You Daddy for the gathering..which was almost cancelled on impulse by the organizer, but now looking back, was thankfully not cancelled. tho there were some...disagreements..thru the game or other stuffs, God still blessed us all so much i believe. :)
lord i'm amazed by You, Lord i'm amazed by You, Lord i'm amazed by You and how You love me...
thank Youu

2006-10-30T01:43:00.000+08:00

listening to Your Name...
Jesus, in Your Name we pray, come and fill our hearts today
O give us strength to live for You, and glorify Your Name
Your Name is a strong and mighty tower
Your Name is a shelter like no other
Your Name, every nation sing it louder
Cause nothing has the power to save, but Your Name

just thinkign abt something... it doesn't make sense. why would God let time manage n control me?? so why shld we be managed by time instead of us managing it?? hmmmm... faithfulness involves that too...

verse or rather, passage of the day:
1 Cor 3:10-15
10By the grace God has given me, I laid a foundation as an expert builder, and someone else is building on it. But each one should be careful how he builds. 11For no one can lay any foundation other than the one already laid, which is Jesus Christ. 12If any man builds on this foundation using gold, silver, costly stones, wood, hay or straw, 13his work will be shown for what it is, because the Day will bring it to light. It will be revealed with fire, and the fire will test the quality of each man's work. 14If what he has built survives, he will receive his reward. 15If it is burned up, he will suffer loss; he himself will be saved, but only as one escaping through the flames.

2006-10-26T13:06:00.000+08:00

was feelign homesick some weeks ago. but now no more. reason why i felt homesick? cos i was feeling lazy... dont feel like going back hall to rush work and study and enclose myself...whcih sounds really really sad...
but now i'm no longer homesick.. why? cos no time!! no time.. got to rush lotsa lotsa stuffs. it's basically homework, and..homework, and...homework, and.. (think it's quite understandable le) and more more homework.. oh and need to study for testSss.. and ministry stuffs too..learning to be a cao mugger haaa....

anyways, i think i need to hurry go buy vitamin C tablets..to keep myself healthy..so many ppl is falling sick! if u're sick and u're reading this, i pray God heal u fast fast...
was reading book yday... the very thing to overcome is the very thing i always try to avoid.. i cant exactly tolerate failure in life. i think ists the overarching perfectionist tendency thats causing that kind of a pain in me. that kind of an effect on me. that kind of a hidden but often outwardly manifested "obsession" in me. to see things myself doing things perfectly. but it's hard to overcome. cant possibly deliberately fail rite? but wells read on..the back got more...there's more to go. an amazing author whom i really respect..one greatly used by God, one who has been thru much himself.. :)

2006-10-19T20:41:00.000+08:00

thank You Daddy for always speaking. for aLWAYs being sooo faithful even when i'm so unfaithful and get self-absorbed and neglect You etc etc... yet You never gives up on me! never ever. thank You thank You thank You.
so inspired that i decided to create a new wall paper with the verse 2Cor 4:16-18 :)

~~ Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. ~~

trying to figure out wads Youth Alive's Crazy lyrics.. sounds very nice :)

2006-10-16T21:02:00.000+08:00

i find it funny how i find similarity between some ppl and some current schmates.

current - yi qian de...
Grace - Jinqi
Alice(roomie) - Eesiew

some time ago i actually saw jolin. there's a possibility some many weeks back i saw the bei ying of cathy. oh myy.. some really 'old' names.

sent lappy for repair today. spent so much on cabbing alone. gosh why does this alphabet N now seem rather loose to me. oh gosh. God please dont let this happen to me......... =(

glad to know another chem teacher is a Christian. think the prof also =) glad that the chem coordinator, the one i'm referring to, is one first and foremost.

seeing mroe of my weaknesses and limitations should nOT make me more inward-looking !! yeaah.. guide me there please..to where You wan me to be Lord...........

2006-10-13T16:52:00.000+08:00

a never ending list of things to get done. tutorials to catch up with. assignments due. tests coming up to study for. another essay to write. oh and this book to return! returning it means i need to hurry look thru it ..erh like now and den bring to lib later to return it. ah..the thot of walking all the way back there.... =p think i'm VERY lazy now. yeaah moving to hall has caused me to realise how lazy i actually am and am becoming.
it felt like a wink of an eye that this week has passed. as in, it felt like last Sat only just passed and it's here again. not that i dread it. perhaps i do dread the funny stuffs/problems that could occur --> it's abt my attitude towards it ba. oh yeaah, camp reg starts tmr!! woaah.. God please bless Gwen and me with the power wisdom and strength we need from You for all tis camp admin reg... hohoho . *takes in a deeeep breath and lets out a looong and loud breath(in other words, sigh)*

but next week will be better. it's been a mad rush. thats why the weekdays have seemingly passed so so so fast. been sleeping only ard four hours or less a day. like last nite. slept less than four hours. trying to be a superwoman. trying to imitate ppl in the wrong manner. like how jiali puts it haa...the person can take it.but everyone's body can take it. ohwells. i need a serious re-adjustment of my life, of my time, my planning, and perhaps even my friendships? ..and my priorities and re prioritising. ?! even that list sounds so... ..............
God bless...

shield of faith. O Lord make it a stronger shield please. to dang the flaming arrows of the evil one. thank You :) thank You for Your word :)